Cherry || b.barnes

16 || Decisions

»You look tired« Jason greets me, a smile playing around his latte macchiato-colored, thick lips, »Long night?«

»You got no idea« I say, sighing deeply in exaggerated vexation and exhaustion. I'm not really in the mood for talking, not after a night with me wide awake, no food, and the fact I just jumped out of the perhaps twentieth or what level of a skyscraper.

The gym is emptier than usually today. With our trainer having called sick and us just having received a training plan, it is no wonder Ergon already started his workout, running his rounds on the path along the walls of the big, black-themed room. I walk over to my locker, getting out my running shoes, too, with Jason following me like a shadow. »We've been meaning to ask you to join us on the trip this evening.«

»What trip?« Yawning, I hold my left hand in front of my mouth, tossing the white sneakers to the ground in my front.

»Don't you read your e-mails?« he chuckles, leaning onto the wall next to me.

Jason and I aren't as familiar. He repeatedly attempts conversations, other than Ergon, who's probably more introverted than the nerd in my preschool class. However, somehow, I happen to start liking Jason. He's always kind to me, no matter how distant I'm behaving, like he hasn't given up on me, yet. Or perhaps, he was also assigned to get things out of me. One can't trust anyone around these days, obviously.

There's a sting in my heart, and I don't want to admit it. Yet, it is there, so I'm disgusted. Thinking about last night, about how Barnes pulled me close to him and I let him, is like a cancer growing where the blood-pumping organ should be, inevitably. Like a virus I just inhaled the first aerosols of and need to get rid of. Soon. It has to have been the stars above, the sea in both his eyes and my front that made me seek such closeness. Yes, that is it. It has to have been my need of someone comforting me, after all these years alone, and nothing more. I probably would've also cuddled with anyone else, as long as I urged for it strongly enough. Barnes has been nothing but of use. And now that he isn't anymore, I can go on as before.

Realizing I must've zoned out, I interrupt Jason in his evidently long monologue, giving him an apologetic smile while slipping into the second shoe. Funny how almost everyone searched distance to me after the incident with Barnes yesterday, but he didn't. I already got used to the agents taking a huge bow around me. »Sorry, my brain just... stopped working, I guess. Could you repeat that?«

With me not exactly understanding why, Jason's cheeks turn a few shades darker. »Oh, yeah, sure. There's this task where we've got to go to the Smithsonian in Washington. They think we need some further information about the history of freedom and what people already sacrificed for it. Since we can't just simply ask Captain Rogers to pass his free time for history lessons with us, they arranged a trip to the museum for us tomorrow. The flight goes this evening, though, and we will return by tomorrow afternoon. You're free to go or comtinue the original schedule, but therefore have an additional session of dry lecture, and of course, we thought this trip to be more fun. So, are you in?«

Of course, not. It's not like I'm burning to see more pictures describing my father as America's hero, blossoming in an image he created for himself in his living years, a shell on which's backside, there's a demon housing. Plus, I maybe get more time to sort myself and actually sneak out to continue with my plan. With the others not around, there's no one who could possibly know about me having my own little journey tonight. »Nice of you to ask,« I send him another smile, hoping it looks more convincing than it feels, »but I guess, I'm out.«

He clearly waits for further explanation, a vindication, as to why I would deny this opportunity, like I just asked to skip Christmas this year. But I give him none, because I owe him none. I owe nobody anything, except for my mother. And this single vow is written in gold in every single second I'm awake, imprinted into my mind like my name. »Okay« he answers with his rather middle-pitched voice, at least, in comparison to Sam's and Barnes', »Then have fun with the lecture. I heard it's pretty long.«