Something Mending -- VOL 1

16

It has been a month, and all I can think is how did I survive so long. You were my life, my everything, I sunk my very existence in you, and it's sad to see it all ended. I am plagued with mixed feelings, I am sad, so sad, agonizing, and I miss you so badly, you were the air I breathe, and now you're gone, there's no air. I miss you, I love you, and I'll never get someone like you, not that I seek to replace you.

However, it doesn't hurt that much anymore, I survived a month, and I'm looking forward to surviving more. I just hope you can be strong and chose you, I hope you never forget how good you are, I hope you pick you, I miss you and in a couple of months, I'll still miss you, you might still be a raging agonizing pain or just a dull throbbing pain, I'll never forget you.

I won't change anything that has happened in the last three years, because they were my best days, because of you. One of the reasons I let you go is because I'll rather have us suspended in the aesthetical beauty we were than watch us come undone. I'll rather preserve the memories -- from running in the rain, to mindless stroll, to rambles about our favorite show, to peeping on the boys we used to like, I'll rather hold on to that, than watch it get tainted by the ugliness we were becoming. I'll rather hold on to the days we were soulmates, than let it be ruined by the strangers we were becoming.

I loved you, even after the end. I love you now. I am grieving, and that is just love persevering. We were soulmates, and that's enough. I had you, and that's enough. I loved you, and that's enough. We were best friends, and that's enough. We used to have each other backs, and that's enough. You were enough, till you weren't. I was enough, till I wasn't.

It's okay if you forget me. I didn't the heartbreak will feel like this. This last wish -- please chose yourself, I couldn't keep choosing you for you, you needed and still need to chose yourself. Leave a table if love is not served. Chose yourself, love yourself more, the clothes, the hair and show won't make you more beautiful, only you can.

It is okay, to forget me. I will wander, like I've always done, and I'll be fine, like I always am. I do feel empty, I do hurt, but u survived a month, the next months don't look so bad.

------  eleven twenty nine am
April twenty seven, wednesday, twenty twenty two.