Something Mending -- VOL 1

27

To the ones with Abandonment Issues and Insecurities.

When I was 13, I had a friend, I called him "Barry Allen", because of his obsession with The Flash, he called me "Speedy", Green Arrow Sister, because of my obsession with The Green Arrow. We had another friend, AB. The three of us we were inseparable, and I -- being the only girl amongst us -- was showered with love, advices and protection.

Barry and AB would tell me not to date boys yet, that I'll have time for that later. We had another friend -- not part of the circle -- Hammed, The three of them would tell me not think of boys yet, they were always watching me, protecting me and loving me. AB and Barry were my best friends.

We were always arguing on who is better between The Flash and The Green Arrow, We were always arguing over mathematical equations. We made a lot of noice in class to the extent that a female friend of mine told me to tell her carefully the name of the shows we were always arguing on.

AB, Barry and Speedy.

We we're the perfect best friends, but something happened, Something bad happened, Barry left, He left the school, the town, he left the state, he left us, he left me. His Dad is a pastor, he was transferred to another state, he had to take his family with him. I cried. I broke down. I cried for weeks, my best friend was going away, I cried numerous times.

AB and I tried to stick together, but we couldn't, we were sad, missing the glue that held us together, we drifted apart. Everything changed after Barry left, I became a classy bitch. I was an angry teenager, Once again, Someone I loved left me. I was angry, hating everyone, I was a Bitch. After he left, I began to look for Barry in other people, in my female friends, I began to find the kind of connection and love Barry and I had, but I couldn't find it, I couldn't find it in anyone.

I still can't.

I'm 17 now, It's been 4 years, and Barry is back. Barry is back, not my best friend. A lot has changed within those four years, I've dated two guys -- something Barry told me not to --, I've broken dozens of guy hearts -- Barry would be disappointed in me --, I'm in College, 2nd year -- Barry would like that --, I've distanced my self from people, from AB -- something Barry won't like --.

I've become someone else entirely.

4 years ago, I was just a teenager, now, I'm few months away from being an Adult. Barry and I are still in contact, but the bond is gone, the connection and everything, It's gone. I still have a love-hate relationship with Mathematical equations. I'm still a die hard Green Arrow fan -- even though it has ended, R. I. P. Oliver Queen -- but I'm no longer the girl Barry knew four years ago.

I can't even recognize myself.

When I was 9 -- I think --, I had a friend, her name is Ope. Her family had just moved to the apartment beside my house, We instantly clicked, We became best friends, I loved her, I trusted her, but She left, and she hated me before she left -- I can't remember what I did --, She Left.

When I was 7 -- I think --, I had a friend, Mariam. She was my best friend, She lived behind me. I did sneak into her house and she did sneak into mine. Mariam impacted in me, even at such young age, I'm still battling with what she left in me. Mariam left, Her mother grew richer and decided she didn't like this ugly neighborhood of ours, So Mariam left. I still hear songs, I still smell perfume that take me back to when I was 7, back to Mariam.

When I was 10 -- I think --, I had a friend, Mary. We were close friends, especially because we attended the same church, but Mary gave me my first dose of betrayal, She joined the church Choir without telling me, In my 10 years old mind, I was betrayed and utterly devastated, I cried badly in church that day. Few weeks later, I joined the Choir because of Mary.

I'm regretting it now.

Mary was my friend, She attended the same school with me for a while, and in that duration, Something happened. Mary's Crush liked me, I didn't reciprocate the feeling. She thought I was dating him, and she stopped talking to me.

In a way, She left. I still see her the few times I go to church, Sometimes I see her on the street, I still see her posts on Facebook, but She's gone. She left.

When I was in JSS2, I had a friend, Aminat. I loved her, We were best friends, but as fate would have it, Aminat left the next year to another school, She left.

I could go on and on about all the people that has left me.

Now, I'm 17, I have four best friends, the first is Glow_ry, We met in College. Over the years, I've prepared myself for the worst; Someone leaving me, Glow_ry leaving. And then, there is Hana, Esther and Taiwo, We've been Friends since High School, I see them when I go home for breaks.

I have Abandonment Issues and Great Insecurities, the people I love always leave, but I tend to remain optimistic and see it from a different perspective.

Barry had to leave, His Dad ordered it. Ope had to leave, her family moved to another apartment. Mariam had to leave, her mom grew richer. Mary had to leave, She thought I dated her crush. Aminat had to leave, her parents weren't satisfied with the school.

They all had to leave for one reason or the other, and soon, so will Esther, Glow_ry, Hana and Taiwo, but the question is Will they come back?.

The more we grow, the more we see that life tends to separate loved ones, life pulls us apart, It's up to us to find our way back to the people we love. Barry is around now, I should chat him up, right?. Sometimes they are ways to get back together with our loved ones, ways for me to get back together with Barry, AB, Aminat, Ope and everyone else I've loved and lost.

But all this doesn't change the fact that all the people I've loved left, It makes me scared to let people in, God knows it took a while for me to get used to Glow_ry. I fear they might leave, it makes me Insecure, but I have to take a leap of faith, right? --- I remember telling a guy that I'm an all or nothing type of girl, I close my eyes and I jump, that's who I am --- even though it's scary, I just have to hope.

So to the one with Abandonment Issues and Insecurities, you are not alone in that mental situation, you will be fine. One day you will find people who will love you and never leave you, but till then, you have to understand it's Life, It's Fate, but we will be fine, that's what I tell myself everyday.

________ ellie a. o.