Something Mending -- VOL 1

06

Dear Old Me.

She sits and stares at it, broken Just like she is. The tears flow, she do not know what to do, She picks her pen and writes.

Dear Old Me,

I miss you, the way you always smile so sincerely, the way your smile was true, What happened to you? What happened to us?, Why are we separated?, Why are you old and I new?, I dont even feel new!, Why are you my past?. The Present ain't what I wanted, it ain't what I expected.

Broken!, Old Me, that's what I am now

Shattered!.

Whenever am at the verge of breaking, at the verge of bursting, I hold on to fragments of my past, fragments of you Old Me, I call Home or my friends at home, they calm me and restore me, but I can't, I can't keep on doing that, can't keep on depending on them.

Old Me!, I wish I could talk to you, I wish I can contact you, Are you dead?,

Gone?.

Really want answers, scared to get them because the answers might not be what am expecting. How did you do it?, How were you so strong?, How were you able to laugh amidst everything that happened?.

What could have gone wrong,Were there people in your life who are no longer present?,When did you even leave?, Didn't notice your departure, maybe, maybe it was when I stopped smiling, when I started the Fake Smiles.

Do I now have toxic friends?

Old Me!

Please speak to me, Please answer me!.

I miss the friends you had, I miss the feeling of belongingness you felt, I miss everything that happened, I miss the way you handled your problems without breaking, I miss how smart you were, how you had high self esteem but now, I just wish I could crawl into a hole and go.

I am now surrounded with people who don't even understand me, people who judge easily, people who easily recognize a fake Gucci than a broken friend.

I miss the amazing bond you shared with people, how you connected so easily, how you smiled sweetly, I wish you stayed.

What happened?, What happened to your contagious smile?, Did life fade it away?, Everything has changed, now am just called names;Immature!, Underage!, Child Abuse! even unripe.

I can't even comprehend, I was smaller back then, smaller than I am now, but I didn't receive stigmatization as this.

Is it my fault!?

Where is the fairness of these all!?.

I'm in a box but I'm the one that locked me in, I want to feel something am numb inside, I'm paralyzed, where are my feelings, I no longer feel things I know I should, I'm paralyzed, where is the real me, I'm lost and it kills me inside.

I wish I could get a chance to talk to you, to persuade you to let me in on the secret of how you lived without breaking. I wish I could get a chance to tell you goodbye, but I really need your help Old Me.

Help Me!.

You told me you would come when I needed you, you said it so sweetly I believed you, where are you?, I can't see you!, I can't feel you!, I am holding you to your word.

I wish I could just be you for a day, just a day, 24 hours!. The Old Me that smiled, The one that laughed, the one that cared less what the world thought, the one who wasn't BROKEN.

Dear Old Me, Please Come Back.

Yours truly broken,
ILoveYou7000.

She drops the pen and folds the paper, places it neatly in an envelope, goes to the river, places it in a bowl and set it on the river, away, it floats.

Deep down she wishes her problem, her brokenness would float away with the letter.

But if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

writers rant

just to remind you that my writings are personal

few songs inspired this, they are;
¹ | charlie by simi

² | paralyzed by nf

³ | dear old nicky by nicky minaj

⁴ | the sad melody my heart and soul sings, rhyme and plays

fun fact| i wrote this when my few-day-old phone broke, the screen broke and something in me snapped, it was my breaking point, tears flowed, and I wasn't just crying for new phone, i was crying for all that's has broken and is still broken in me, I was crying for the friends i've lost, for how lost my soul had become, for how dark my days were, for how broken my home is.

what's/was your breaking point?