A Twisted Love Story

∞ Chapter 13∞

Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for.

~~~~~~

Ever since the "Zack incident," it has been weird.  Cole would be there but wasn't completely there. I felt as if I was the cause, well I was, but its an indescribable feeling.

We were arguing more and more. Our friends didn't know how to help us any more, because we were both stubborn. I guess when our friends were so fed up with us they wanted to have an intervention. Jamal and Crystal said to meet in the
auditorium after school.

I didn't want to go, I already knew how it was going to go: Bad. I am not one to deal with feelings well, or even say them in a way any human can comprehend.

When the bell rang, signaling that the last class was over, I went to the vending machine to get my "calming fluid" (soda). If I didn't have it I don't know how I could deal with anything. It was more in my head than I was making it, I can deal with it but the soda helps me to swallow my feelings.

I went to my locker, laughing and joking around with Keisha. She was always so funny to me, but right n now she was even funnier, maybe because this "meeting" we were about to have.

I went to the  auditorium with Crystal. She tried to ask what I was feeling but I just shrugged, I didn't know.

When we sat down, I just looked around, wondering who was starting.

"Okay one of you bitches, are going to start!" Jam said.

"I'll start, honestly I love you, you know that. My life has been improved since you were in it. I don't want to let you go ever, but I feel like sometimes that's what you want, with the way you treat me. I am still in shock that you cheated on me, with him, and lied about it. I forgave you, but it doesn't mean I'll forget.

I also feel like you treat me like I'm a bad person at times. Like you just treat me like I'm not your boyfriend. It hurts."

I just sat there. I had a lot to say but every time I opened my mouth nothing came out but air. Why is this so hard for me!? Just talk.

"I..uh..I get what your saying, its just that I am not used to being in a relationship. I know kissing him was wrong, I get it. But ever since then you've been holding it over me like it defines who I am now. I'm not that person. I-"

I couldn't finish. I don't even know what I was about to say. I couldn't get my thoughts together, he kept talking, I heard him but I wasn't fully comprehending.

I caught the words: you. Love. Hard to deal. I need you. Why can't. Its difficult. More effort.

It sounded like he was saying I need to try harder for us. For a future together. He always talked about how we would grow old together, have kids, have jobs, switch days who cooks dinner, even who will take kids to their game. It is a nice fantasy, it really is, but how can there be a forever with the way our relationship was now?

I didn't say it, but I didn't think we were going to make it that far, unless we fixed things and that wasn't really happening, thanks to me. Trust me, I have tried to change so many times! Its hard trying to change immediately for someone else because they want you to, but you been this way your whole life.

It's hard.

All the lies, the secrets, the pointless arguments, and the judgments. It's hard to have a stable relationship this day and age with everything like social media websites, and apps to lock your apps to hide stuff. I didn't know what he could be hiding. Yet, I was always a problem. I was always the one who needed an evaluation check.

The rest of the "meeting" was nothing but arguing, Crystal and Jam trying to help us but it doesn't work. Morning really ever does anymore. I was afraid. Afraid of losing someone that I've grown so attached to over these few months. I know it's only been a few months but that doesn't change the way I feel for him.

Cole

That meeting wasn't how I thought it was going to go. I thought we were going to talk things out, get through our rough patch but I guess not. I wanted us to be better, for us, so we can grow. I love her with my life and I can't believe we are having a rough patch, when I first met her she didn't seem like this type of person. The type to treat me like crap on occasion. The type to not care that she cheated on me. The type to not good her mistakes when she makes them instead of making excuses.

Well I knew her from a different point of view then, but still. She wasn't what I expected in a girlfriend. She is still perfect and worth trying for. This is only her second real relationship. Everyone says how her first real one was strong, like really strong. I sometimes feel like I need to one up their last relationship. I think that we could get like that, she just had to try and treat me like I'm her boyfriend not just one of her friends, or some random boy.

I don't know how long I can put up with her not treating me like I'm important. I love her to death but it's hard, you know? It's like trying to dig a hole with a plastic spoon. You barely make any dents. You just tap the surface and not the inside, where all the potential is held.

The medicine that I take cause me to have uncontrollably mood swings. I always feel like when I'm down she is what gets me up. But at the same time she goes distant because of it, like she wants to help but not all the time and shes really the only person who helps me get out of them the quickest.

That's why I love her. She is always there. I would never do anything to hurt her. .

A/n

Don't forget to read chapter 4.1 it's after 4 ... Lol. But hope you like it okay bye. (Vote/ comment)