Helion Spellcleaver and the Lady of Autumn ; A new start

Part 5

Elain's POV

As she turned her back to her mate and walked into her room, she thought of Lucien's face. He had the loveliest smile, she'd seen it only thrice but couldn't stop thinking about it. Once when he had held Nyx for the first time, the second when he had brought Feyre the dagger he'd gifted her when she was still mortal and how Feyre joked about it, as being the start of their friendship. And the third smile tonight. But Elain had also seen the doubt and noticed the tone he spoke to her with. Of course, she had expected that, she had ignored him for almost three years now and didn't expect for him to come running after her at the first word she would say.

Truth is Elain had started to think about Lucien, a lot and repeatedly, ever since she'd seen him smile the first time, but she'd been dealing with her feelings and -on the Winter Solstice- the refusal of the shadowsinger. So she hadn't payed attention to the course of her thoughts.

The second time she'd seen him smile, when Feyre had invited him to Nesta and Cassians ceremony and he had brought along the dagger, Elain had been the one to demand the story of their friendship from her sister. Her request alone had brought some little blush on his face, and while Feyre narrated, with Lucien occasionally adding this or that, Elain had stolen glances at him. Watching his smile grow bigger and lovelier, as he and her sister reminicised about the time her sister had still been a mortal. Until Feyre had joked about Lucien's advice with the Suriel and both of them had started laughing.

Thats when it had hit her, how pretty he had looked while smiling. How much she liked to see that smile and mentally kicked herself for the fact that she could have been the one to make him smile like that. That if she had been friendlier to him, she would have probably seen his beautiful, charming smile sooner. She had only herself to blame for that.

But when she had started taking interest into him, panic froze her. What if he didn't want her anymore? What if her refusal had hurt him very much? After all, the refusal of a mate affected a Fae man immensely, even drove some of them crazy.

Between the second and third smile, Elain had seen Lucien once and had thought of telling him of her feelings, but than had marvelled at the stupidity of the idea. So she had settled with wearing the pair of earrings Lucien had brought her, as his first gift to her. Asked Nuala and Cerridwen to style her hair in a way that the earrings were noticeable. And told them to -unsuspiciously- ask Feyre for Lucien's favourite pastry and cook it.

As soon as Lucien had set foot on the threshold his eyes had searched for her. When they found her, Elain had not looked away as she had always had done before. Instead she gave him a little, welcoming smile. Not show to much immediately or he would be confused about the sudden change. Yes. That seemed like a good start. But even that little smile, made Lucien's heart beat like crazy. She could hear it, just like the first time when she had Turned. His eyes had widened with shock at the sight of the earrings and he'd flushed furiously. A moment later, he'd cooled himself and Elain could swear she felt feelings that weren't hers.

At the dinner table she didn't sit on the furthest corner from him like had always done. Elain sat opposite him and heard his heart beat even more furiously than before, but his face showed nothing.

By this time Lucien had perfected, or at least tried to, differentiate his common sense and the influence of the mating bond. His mind had little hope for him and Elain, but his heart almost failed him at every time he caught her looking at him.

Trying not to look suspicious with her sudden interest hadn't worked of course. Lucien had caught her looking at him about ten times the whole evening, Feyre, Nesta and basically everyone else there had noticed how she hadn't made those foolish excuses to leave his presence. How she had chosen another seat. How she had worn the gift he had bought her.

Elain had thought about talking to him, but it would have looked weird and maybe awkward, especially because she knew everyone's attention was on her and the change in her attitude towards her mate. Instead she participated in conversations he did, and thus it would be like she was talking to him but indirectly.

Time passed really quickly that evening and everyone went to bed ... Ugh, she didn't have time. Lucien would leave the day after tomorrow and of course he'd want to spend the day with his parents, not her. Elain had to know when he would be back again. He didn't have a reason to come frequently -again her fault, it wouldn't have hurt to be friendly with him- but now he visited only on Solstices and Equinoxes. He always went back to Vassa and Jurian the next day after the Solstice/Equinox.

Vassa. Had she seen his lovely smile? The probability of it was high, they lived together. Well only at nights while the cursed queen was in her human form.

At night...

Had they? Maybe?

'Well, you had Lucien's undivided attention for two years, you are the one pushed him, even though he tried to be nice to you. Why shouldn't he pleasure himself with another woman?'

'No, no stop thinking that,' she told herself.

These sort of thoughts were eating her away but she needed to stop overthinking and panicking.

Elain went to bed with Lucien's mesmerising smile in her mind and focused on hearing his heartbeat, until the sound of it lulled her to sleep.

Tomorrow would be a new day and tomorrow would be alright.

She'd make it right.