Helion Spellcleaver and the Lady of Autumn ; A new start

Part 10

Together with Rhys, Elain winnowed away from the House through its now weakened wards, leaving Lucien alone in the library. Being left alone, Lucien thought it would be good to take a shower and prepare himself for dinner. He had about one hour and the whole Inner Circle, even Nyx would show up. Last night Nesta and Cassian had left the House and went to stay at Feyre's house by the river temporarily. So the High Lord of Day and his family could have some alone bonding time.

Silently Lucien went to his room, where he found a bathtub filled almost to the brim with warm water, waiting for him. He took off his clothes and got into the tub. His body immediately relaxed in the warm water. He'd always liked warmth.
Wonder from which one I got that from.
He'd liked warmth and days spent under the sun. Lucien remembered the days, when he'd been a boy, sneaking away from the boring classes about strategy and how deceive your way through magic, to climb on top of some roof and stay under the sun. Such topics always interested his brothers, and well, where were they now? At each others throats.

Thinking about his brothers and his past hurt, so he tried to think about something else. But his head was a mess. Even when he hadn't been loved much or cared for, he'd been able to make a home in the Autumn Court with her. After Jesminda's death, when Lucien fled to the Spring Court, he'd worked so much to earn his place in the Court. To repay Tamlin for taking him in. He'd overpaid him though.

Now he was trying to build himself a home in the human lands. Yet he still had a relation with the Night Court. Elain.
The mate he hadn't wanted.
The mate that didn't want him.
The mate that had been thrown at him.
Lucien took a deep breath. Today he'd had a good time with her, but...
He'd tried respecting her privacy and showed up only for special occasions. He'd brought her gifts only to honour the Fae traditions. Elain had made her feelings for him very clear. Especially since he'd seen her that night with the shadowsinger, at the Winter Solstice. Lucien had woken up that night after feeling Elain's heart beating wildly. He'd gone out of his room immediately, thinking she might be sick or something. Instead she'd been with the shadowsinger. Letting him put his hand on her elegant neck and shoulders. Standing so near. They looked in love and all.
Lucien had immediately gone to his room, feeling so hurt, he could've just fallen on the ground and wept there. But that had been the mating bond. Not him.

After taking some time to calm himself, he had realised that what he'd seen hadn't really hurt him. The mating bond tired him. His head was sure Lucien didn't love Elain, but his heart might as well been ripped into shreds.
Pushing away such thoughts, Lucien took another deep breath. The memory of Elain with the Shadowsinger hurt him even now, after more than six months.
He got out of the tub and reached for his clean clothes.

He felt like his thoughts were all clouded above his head. A very dark cloud but at least Lucien now knew what he had to do, to rid himself of the senseless pain the mating bond gave him.
He would refuse the mating bond.
'Yes, that will work.' He thought.
But could he really do it? In all Fae history, there were very few times when the male refused the bond.
'It's the right thing, I will cut all ties with the Night Court and build myself a home in the human lands.' He said out loud, trying to convince himself.
Even the new friendship Elain was trying to form would work better without his heart beating like crazy at the sight of her. Without the thousand year old instincts taking over his mind, against his better judgement.

Drying his wet hair with a towel he remembered the way Elain looked at them. He'd seen how her heart had skipped a beat when he started fiddling with his hair.
Lucien smiled inwardly, of all the lovers he had had, all of them had liked his hair. He liked his hair long like this too. Jesminda had liked them too.

The unwelcome thought cut through Lucien's heart like thousands shards of glass. He stopped drying his hair and threw the towel in some couch nearest to him. He was standing in his room now, but his brain hadn't registered moving from the bathroom to his room. Lucien groaned as he tipped his head back. All these thoughts were killing him.