BOY IN LOVE || JH

TEN

After leaving Hoseok's place I felt a little strange. I understood why he lied about the kiss but for some reason, that changed the way I looked at it.

I thought it was just some meaningless kiss but to him it wasn't.

Even if he didn't admit it I knew it was. First kisses tend to be a big deal to some people and I can't help but to think Hoseok is one of those people.

In a way, I felt kinda bad. If I had known it was his first kiss I'd have a least made it a little more special.

Hell, I should feel grateful I got to be his first. He's a really great guy and whoever he ends up dating would be lucky too.

Knowing there wasn't much I could do now, I let the thought slip away as I made my way home.

Upon getting there, I set my things down and fell into my couch. I pulled out my phone where I saw a text message from the last person I had expected to hear from.

JOSHUA- I had fun this weekend! I wish you weren't so cold towards me we could have had fun! (;

I instantly scoffed at the text, already knowing I wasn't going to reply to it.

Even after all this time he still didn't understand why I wanted nothing to do with him.

I regretted more then anything having lost my virginity to him. If only I had met Hoseok back then, we could have just gotten it out of the way together, but obviously that's not an option so I just had to live with the fact that Joshua was that person for me.

If only he wasn't such a creep, maybe it could have worked out.

Honestly, I was tired of being single and I knew if Ari and Mingyu got together, seeing them happy and in love would make me feel even more lonely.

Maybe I should try a dating app or something. Scratch that, that probably isn't a good idea. I'd probably just end up finding another Joshua and that's the last thing I wanted.

What could I say, I was just lonely and wanted that someone I could be as close with as Ari and Mingyu.

Plus there's that added factor of sex and all that that I wanted too. What can I say, I'm human.

I wonder if Hoseok felt the same way...or maybe he didn't since he hadn't been able to experience sex yet. Of course I knew he could still crave that regardless but still, I was curious.

I couldn't help but to think of how Hoseok might be feeling. I could tell earlier he seemed to be more worried about what I would think then he should be.

I'm not sure why that is considering we're just friends. He should be able to talk to me without thinking I'll be upset.

Yeah it was a little messed up to lie about something like that but we both agreed the kiss meant nothing so it should be fine.

I didn't want it to get in the way of our friendship. I really enjoyed hanging out with Hoseok and I didn't want something as small as a kiss to ruin that. Even if it was his first kiss, I didn't want that to mess up our friendship.

Knowing there wasn't much that could be done about it now, I let it go.

No need to hold a grudge over a tiny little fib. I was just glad he told me the truth today. That's all that mattered and because of that, there were no hard feelings.

As I was in the midst of thinking, my phone went off again but this time it was a text from Hoseok.

Hoseok- I'm really sorry again for lying. I'm just glad you're not mad. That's the last thing I'd want!

Y/n- of course I'm not mad, don't worry! But since we're on the topic, how was the kiss on a scale of 1-10 (;

Hoseok- I'm not sure I could rate it seeing as I ran away like a weirdo and was in my head the whole time. I'm sure if I would have been more relaxed I'd be able to give you an accurate rate.

Y/n- Well, maybe we'll just have to do it again sometime. You know, for the rating.

I wasn't surprised when Hoseok stopped replying quickly after my joking text. I was just messing with him but I'm not sure if he took it that way or not.

Y/n- I'm just kidding, don't worry! I'm only teasing you!

Hoseok- Oh right, my bad. Thank you for understanding! I'll let you go now, see you at school tomorrow!

I sent back a thumbs up as I grabbed my things and headed to my bedroom.

I was ready to crash and I planned to do exactly that. Tomorrow was going to be a crazy day at school because of the project we'd be starting so I wanted to be rested. Not for the project itself but so I didn't fall asleep in class from boredom.

Speaking of the project, I hope I get paired with someone smart so I know for sure we'll pass. I needed the good grade so that I would have enough credits to graduate.

That night, I went to sleep with the horrifying thoughts of repeating high school in my brain.

———

A/n: Guess what?

I love you guys! 💜💜💜