Wish I Was Home

Louis

After Fizz's funeral Harry went back to the US but he continued his visits. Every two weeks he came home. Every two weeks he came to spend the weekend with Freddie. He opted to stay at his place rather than with us and I was ok with that.

He had mentioned several times how he wanted us to get back together but I just couldn't do it. Being with Harry hurt me too much. I loved him so much but he was so career focused that I couldn't compete with the glitz and glamor of Hollywood, so I didn't try.

"Maybe it could say, 'should have never let you go, my baby, oh oh oh'," Harry suggested singing the words to me, as I sat outside writing during one of his visits. I had my guitar in my lap and a cigarette hanging from my mouth.

"That's good there actually," I told him and replaced the words I had written with the ones he suggested. "Thanks." I said looking up at him.

He sat across from me with Freddie on his lap, reading the words I had scribbled on the page. "This is good Lou," he told me. "It's about me?"

I nodded. "Every song in that notebook is about you or us." I hated to admit that to him but just as when I was younger I couldn't lie to him.

"What's it called?"

"Always you," I told him and watched him with Freddie as they played with Freddie's toy trucks on the picnic table.

"I'm sure the fans will think it's about Eleanor," Harry told me. "Except you did go to Amsterdam with her."

"Yeah," I said. "That was the worst holiday."

I had taken Eleanor to Amsterdam on holiday. Not because I wanted to but because I had released a song called "Just Hold On" with Steve Aoki and management decided that song was about Harry and made me be seen with Eleanor. I agreed to it because if it wasn't her it would be another girl and I was comfortable with Eleanor as weird as that sounds. She had complained the entire trip about how she hated Amsterdam so I took her to a gay bar. I had to be seen with her but I wasn't told where I had to be seen with her.

"Louis," Harry called from Freddie's room several weeks after I released my album.

"Yeah?" I said walking in to find them in the floor playing with toy trucks.

"How old should he be before we tell him?"

"He's four Harry," I reminded him. "Not yet."

"It's Haz dad," Freddie corrected me.

"Sorry," I said to him. "Haz."

"Haz," Freddie said. "Are you leaving again?" Freddie was like a tiny sponge who heard everything we said and absorbed it. He had heard Harry and I talking earlier it appeared.

Sadness flashed quickly across Harry's face, I was probably the only one who could identify the look. It was there then it was gone and he replaced it with a smile for Freddie. "I have to go for just a week or so then I'll be right back." Harry told him.

Freddie pouted at Harry. "Can I come with you?"

"Maybe next time buddy," Harry told him. "Someday you and me will go to all the places we talk about."

Harry told Freddie stories every night. Freddie thought they were fictional but he was actually telling him our story. How we met in the band and all the places we had been together. Freddie had no idea the guys in the story named Edward and William were actually Harry and I. And their friends James, Z, and Payno were Niall, Zayn, and Liam. I hadn't picked up on what the story was about until he had told at least a weeks worth of stories. Of course I didn't hang around when Harry had one on one time with our son. He deserved that time.