Wish I Was Home

Louis

"I loved you first too Harry," I said after he walked out of my house. "Fuck." I sighed and touched the door before I turned away.

He wasn't wrong. There was a lot of debate on who fell first and who fell harder between Harry and me. I can't say for a fact but I feel he fell first but ultimately I fell harder. He was able to move on while I was stuck, stuck at our house with our child, not being able to move on from him.

No matter what I do, where I go, or the people I'm around I miss Harry. I miss my home. That is what Harry has always been to me. Home.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. "Liam?" I said into the phone. "I sent you a message a month ago and you're just getting back with me?"

"Sorry mate," Liam chuckled. "Been a busy boy."

"Liar," I huffed and fell onto the sofa. I wasn't mad at Liam for not returning my call. I knew he was busy. All the lads were busy, myself included.

"Anyhow," Liam said. "What are you up to?"

"Umm," I said. Do I tell him about Harry? I have always trusted Liam. After Zayn left the band Liam became my person. "Harry came by." Silence fell on the other end of the phone. "Li? You there?"

"What happened Louis?" Liam asked with a softer and sympathetic voice. He was being cautious.

"He brought me and Freddie a gift," I said holding the tee shirt in one hand and watch and necklace in the other. "He got me a Rolex watch and a necklace and a tee shirt is from his merch." I left out the beanie.

"Did he say anything?"

Harry had said a lot in those few sentences but it wasn't for me to spread the word that Harry was coming out, that was his business to tell. "He told me he loved me first." I said and let a tear fall from my eye.

"Aww Lou," Liam sighed. "Are you ok, mate?"

"Of course I'm not ok. Some things can't be taken back. There's so much Liam. So much we've both done that we can't get past. How do we fix what's so broken?" I said quickly. I hadn't planned to say so much but it just came pouring out of my mouth.

"Nothing is beyond repair," Liam told me. "You're thirty years old now Louis. Life is too short for the two of you to keep doing this. You have a son for Christ's sake. I know you and Harry hate talking out your feelings but you really need to."

"Ugh," I groaned. "Why can't we just be those dumb kids again?" I thought out loud.

"Do you really want to go through that hell again?" Liam asked seriously.

"No," I said quickly. "I'd never wish that hell on anyone."

Although a lot of mine and Harry's past was shit I still would never trade it for anything in the world. I got to fall in love and I was loved in return. Harry had always been mine and I will always his.

No matter what I will always love Harry. But I didn't like him much at that moment and Harry knew that.

"Then why not give it a try Lou," Liam said. "You and Harry can work anything out. I mean you two have been together how long? Ten years."

"Twelve," I corrected him. "And fuck Liam. He hasn't forgiven me and he likely he never will." I thought back to the day I told him I had cheated on him and the look on his face and my heart broke all over again. "He doesn't want a life with me he told me that."

"And you know he was lying," Liam said sternly. "Stop fucking about and fix it."

Liam still tried to play daddy direction with me and usually I would let him but I was done with the conversation.