KevEdd One-Shots Book

Would You Rather I Not Kiss and Tell?

Author: Ohmygoodgollygoshdarnit
Summary: Kevin just can't get over the fact that EDDY managed to plant a kiss on his boyfriend before he could.

"I still can't believe it," Kevin grumbled, flinging himself down on his couch. Double D fitted himself neatly against the boy's side, brushing a little bit of lint off the old green sweater.

"It's not that big of a deal, Kevin. It wasn't much of a kiss, and I can promise there wasn't any real affection or intent."

"Doesn't matter," the redhead muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose in distaste. "MAN, I can't believe EDDY, of all people, managed to kiss you before I did. That's some shit, D."

Double D seemed to think this over, wondering if this conversation had been a wrong decision. Since he and Kevin had yet to achieve that level of physical intimacy in their fledgling relationship, he'd thought he'd feel more comfortable if they discussed first kisses to see what kind of experience his partner would have. When pressed, he admitted that once Eddy had managed to lay a smooch on him, though it had been through entirely contrived circumstances. Kevin remembered after a moment and was now in his present fit of irritability, moping with so much intensity that he looked positively despondent.

Hit with a mischievous streak, Edd added, "And well, it's not like that was the only one, either. Ed himself also managed one, though under rather strange circumstances, and I don't think either of us took it personally."

Kevin jerked as if he'd been physically slapped, and he gawked at Edd, mouth open in shock. He worked his jaw, but no words came out, and instead, he stood, storming out of his front door. Double D remained where he was on the couch, vacillating between pleased with the reaction his teasing had provoked and concerned for the dubious safety of his friends.

After a moment of being indecisive, he got up. He hurried outside, standing on the porch and watching as Kevin finished stampeding next door to swoop down on where Eddy and Ed were lounging on Eddy's front lawn, a plastic chaise lounge going flying as Kevin steamrollered into the shorter of his adversaries.

"K-Kevin!" Edd gasped, hurrying across to the other lawn. "This is wholly unnecessary! Violence is never the way to solve our disputes!" Though he attempted to mediate, he couldn't help but be amused by Eddy's wild flailing as Kevin delivered what was most likely the most unholy of terrible wedgies.

"Keep your nasty lips off of Double D!" Kevin thundered.

Ed guffawed loudly, exclaiming, "Eddy! I bet he's mad cause he wants to kiss Double D!"

"Yeah, shit, Double D, give it up already, JESUS!" Eddy shrieked, still attempting to escape the retribution that an increasingly red Kevin was dishing out. Edd flushed, suddenly flustered, and he hauled his shirt collar up over his face in embarrassment.

"KEVIN! CEASE THIS BEHAVIOR THIS INSTANT!" He cried from behind his shirt, gratified but still incensed when he felt familiar hands settling onto his shoulders and steering him back into the house he'd come from.

Once the pair had settled back on the couch, Kevin red in the face but looking triumphant, and Double D scattered and feeling oddly honored, Edd fixed his boyfriend with an irritated glance. "Now, that kind of behavior isn't going to hurry the process along, Kevin," he grumbled, earning him a pout.

"Eh, it was fun anyway," Kevin decided, stretching an arm around Edd's shoulders.