Friend or Foe (SAW x Reader)

Ch.11 (Something is off)

(The long awaited chapter 11 is finally here! Sorry for the wait everyone)

   My stomach turned and the world around me felt in slow motion. My bed kept trying to stick and swallow my form. The beeping from the coffee machine sounded like gunshots in my head. The cold flood stung at my feet as I shuffled around my house getting ready for work. Everything I did was loud; the shower running in the bathroom for me sounded like thunder cracking. Shutting the door behind me I almost laughed at myself in the mirror.

My hair was a mess, the black under my eyes had darken, and my eyes almost looked taunting; Taunting anyone who looked into them to find the secrets they held.

The shower didn't feel comforting to me. Even though it ran hot It still felt like ice to me. If everything went to plan Mark would be taking out Strahm tonight. Hoffman's backwards plan of somehow playing a double reverse physiologically was already nerve racking enough but It didn't feel like that is what should worry me. I trusted his abilities to carry out his goals. Once Hoffman saw a goal no one was stopping him. These ill feelings felt like they had something to do with Peter. Our last phone call two days prior before today seemed stalled. He was very short with his answers like he wanted nothing to do with me; what bothered me the most is it felt like he was with someone. I would comment on the movement and sounds in the background and he would blow it off like he was rushing around. But why was he rushing? He was off the case and as far as I knew people weren't too determined to prove he was Jigsaw.

I got dressed and headed out the door. The only person to come to mind that may talk to Peter would be Dr.Gordan but for as long as we've worked together in the shadows he's never once tried to rat any of us out. Kramer was dead but even then why would he try now? It just didn't make sense to me. Amanda was dead along with anyone else I knew who would possibly try to get Hoffman and I caught. People who knew what we did at least, but (S/n) couldn't know anything about what I've become. Yes she would probably talk to Strahm but he would of already had me behind bars if she opened her mouth about our past. It was almost frustrating that I couldn't shake this feeling on the drive to the station.

The doors had a brassy sound to them today that made my ears cringe. Maybe It was the idea of how Strahm would die that had my heart racing. As hard as I try to be a wall of stone the guilt and screams get to me at times. Perhaps it reminded me of what was done to my mom and brother, or what I did to my dad. I hated it all despite the voice in my head telling me I did right to end his life and torment those I've helped gather. The person I become when the blind anger and pressure gets to me is... terrifying. In those moments I enjoy hurting people for the sins they've committed no matter how small that sin is. When, when it's over I could lock myself in my room for days and scream until my lungs give out. The weight of the sins I make feel like getting caught under a wave being crushed with no way to tell where to go. Then there's that one break that you cling to and hope that it'll show you out. Mark Hoffman was my break.

Have I truly caught feelings for a man that would most likely have me dead in a heartbeat. Despite everything from me giving his information and tactics to a rogue agent. My thoughts and plans of needing to get rid of him and get away from all of this. My game of chest I wished to play him like a pawn for my own gain and freedom. The man I was afraid of yet intrigued by his mind. A serial killer and head detective. A man who not once I've seen flinch at the hardest jigsaw traps had me in the worst trap ever and he didn't know it. Was I longing for him or the idea of him? Had I finally cracked under the built up problems and was trying to cling even to the smallest of hope he'd save me.

Two wrongs don't make a right but they make a good excuse. All the thinking and writing reports had exhausted me already; I wasn't even an hour into my shift. Getting up from my desk I made my way to the coffee pot and stole a snack from the bin while waiting for the pot to fill. The station had a silence to it. Not in a normal way there were still people working around the clock. In a almost sad way knowing the faces I saw everyday, the ones that help me settle in so long ago were gone. All of them died in traps I never set but I still felt responsible as if I did. "(Y/n)" I turned in annoyance to my sister's voice in time to see hot coffee spill onto me. A few gasps sounded here and there as she stared at me wanting a response. "Hello to you too (S/n). I was wanting coffee in the cup, not on me." I wasn't in the mood for dealing with her. Though to others it may look funny to see an older sibling only half the size of the younger. I didn't tower over her but it was enough to make a difference.

"You think you have this whole station wrapped around your finger? I'll put you behind those bars myself if I have to." I picked up the cup she threw and exhaled a long sigh. Of course she would try putting me on the spot publicly. "Our father was abusive and I had no control over the situation he chose; It's not my fault he ran into the cops and it's not my job to fix that." It wasn't my job to fix myself a spot in jail that is. Before she could yell at me more Mark finally came out of his office "Ms.(L/n) I'm going to advise you not to attack my detective regardless of your feelings. I'll also have to ask you to leave for throwing coffee at her." (S/n) scoffed before storming her way out. Mark signaled for me to follow him back to his office. Grabbing a few napkins and doing my best to dab the staining off I entered his office shutting the door. "She has enough to get a case against you, If I keep pushing her away she'll eventually seek help elsewhere." a frustrated growl left my lips "We need to take care of her soon, even if it's just a quick gun shot. I'd settle for that at this point."

Mark handed me another napkin "Once I take care of Strahm the station should be distracted enough for us to plan to move to taking her out." Hoffman's presence towered over me as he paused his words. He was staring down at the top of my scar showing. "You never told me what trap he put you through.." I rolled my eyes and scoffed "it's almost like someone jammed a needle into my neck before I felt like telling them". His hand traced the top of it catching me off guard "how far down does it go rookie?" Gulping silently I replied "top of my collarbone down left diagonally to the top of my ribs". He put his other hand to my chin lifting my head up as he traced up to my neck going over the still visible marks from the hospital and trap he put me through. Letting my head fall to look at him, the grip on my neck tightens enough to slightly restrict oxygen. His fingers rested on the pulse in my neck. A smirk appeared on his face "You're going to be the death of me" gaining a smirk of my own I answered back "That was part of my job before I ratted myself out detective".

He let go of my neck. "Once the station closes up tonight, stay home, stay out of trouble." He went to turn to go back to his desk "Yes sir." He groaned in annoyance "what did I just say?" The smirk didn't leave my face "you said after the station locks up tonight, sir". Hoffman was very unamused with my tactics and instructed me to get back to work.

Pausing at the doorknob I called out to him one last time "It was the mausoleum trap, see no evil, speak no evil. I don't know what the other guy with me did but he managed to strike me down good towards the end." Mark hummed in acknowledgment as I left the office to continue my work.

Sitting in my chair my worries didn't subside. Whatever happens, I hope Mark's plan works. Tonight would feel long waiting to hear any news.