Finding Love in France (Alternate Version)

Part 61: The End Of The Line

My beautiful Mila,
If you are reading this, then the worst has happened...

When the men came back from the mission and she saw the look on Steve's face, he didn't need to say anything, she already knew. Mila could barely see through her tears.

...I am so sorry Mils. This was not what we wanted, but here we are. Please don't be mad at Steve if he makes it back and I don't. It's war, we know all too well how bad it is and how little control we have, no matter how hard we try...

Mila collapsed on the airfield, Howard trying to comfort her until Steve and Peggy reached her. She couldn't look Steve in the eye as he sobbed at her feet.

...Please know that I did everything possible to get back to you. Everything I had, I fought like hell to see your face one more time. You are my everything, Mila. Never doubt that. You're my only plan, too...

She was barely registering the words Steve was choking out. Something about a train? The details were so unimportant to her. Steve was obviously heartbroken, but she was not ready to listen to him try and explain how he could let this happen.

...After everything you've been through, after the hell I put you through, all I wanted was to give you the world. It's the least you deserve, and I wanted to make sure you got it. Whatever it looked like, I wanted it with you...

She couldn't look at Peggy, either. Perfect Peggy, who had her love beside her, comforting him the way only a loved one can.

...Timing was never my strong suit, but I was going to ask you to marry me after this mission. Just ask Stark. I couldn't wait to watch you laugh in my face, tell me I'm nuts, then make me the happiest man in the world. After that, who knows? A nice little house wherever you wanted? Kids? Dogs? Whatever you wanted, as long as I got to be with you. Kiss you good night. Laugh at your jokes. Sleep in your arms...

Howard was holding Mila upright, rubbing her back to try and soothe her. He hated watching his friends in agony. He hated being the one Bucky had trusted to hold his letters during every mission. He loved to make fun of the kid when he rewrote them every time, joking that his grammar didn't improved the more times he got shot at.

...Even when I don't feel like I deserve you, Mils, you are the love of my life. Never in a million years did I think that I would know someone like you. You are the strongest, bravest, toughest, most brilliant and beautiful woman I have ever met. I have loved you more than I thought was possible. I love you so much it scares me. I love you so much I tried to push you away from me to protect you...

Mila felt like she was frozen. Like some sort of nightmare, one that she had so many times before, but always woke up from.

...Thank you for never giving up on me, even when I was too broken and mixed up to be grateful. There are no words to express how grateful I am for you. Every second of every day. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you right now, but you are so damn strong, Mils. You're going to be okay. Hell, you're going to be better than okay. You know why? Because you are worth the trouble and then some...

Howard and Steve picked Mila up off the ground and helped her to the lab, Peggy hot on their heels. As Howard watched two of his friends stare into nothingness, he wondered when he should give the letters to them.

...I love you with all my heart and treasure the time we had. Like me and Steve always say, I'm with you til the end of the line. Please don't cry.
All my love,
James