𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃

chapter 24

the kiss between the two lasted only 5 seconds , though felt like a lifetime.

however , mariana felt guilty. she felt like she was betraying her dad in a way.. like she was making the wrong decision. should she have not went back to fezcos that day ? should she have not nonruined to have feelings for ashtray after finding out what he did ? she didn't know how to feel.

mainly because she liked the fact that ashtray was her first kiss , he was the person she wanted to have her first kiss with.. and he was. but then it actually happened and her dad crossed her mind..

ashtray killed him. she shouldn't be doing this.
that was her exact thoughts , and somehow she felt bad thinking that , doubting ashtray.

if he knew her thoughts , he would understand right ? he would have to.. it makes sense.

1000 things went through the girls mind , just because of one kiss.

ashtray on the other hand ? he was confused too.. just not because of the same reasons.

he was confused because this was the first girl he even THOUGHT about the way he thought about mariana.

so her being the first girl he kissed too ? he didn't quite know what to think..

but this made him realize the feelings he had thought he had for her , he does. he doesn't just think it , now he knows for sure he likes the girl.

so after one kiss , the two are confused.
-
ashtrays pov:

mariana was my first kiss. and she's also the first girl i've ever liked. that's so weird. what the fuck am i supposed to do now ?

last night the kiss happened , today she went to school so i was left with faye and fez.

faye is annoying as fuck. i don't know what it is about her , but she's just annoying. she annoys me just by looking at me. maybe it's her big fucking lips ? i don't know.

"yo fez." not a lot of people had came to the store today , so i was chilling with fez.

"what's up ?" fez was my big brother after all , so i had to go to him for fucking advice or whatever.

how do you even ask someone for advice ? i've never down this shit before.

"how do you know.. when you like someone ?" i felt liked punching myself in the face after saying that.

fez gave me a look , before squinting his eyes. "this about mar ?"

nah , who else fez ?

my quietness made him take that as a yes i guess , "i don't know bruh.. i guess you just kinda know."

oh such great advice.

"how does that one chick make you feel then ?" i asked , needing more than "you just know"

"what one chick ?" he leaned back in his chair.

why is he trynna act like he had more than one..

"that girl that came round to the store , the other day." i forgot what her name was.

"lexi." he realized who i was talking about , i nodded waiting for him to answer my question.

"uh.. i don't know she makes me feel all happy and shit.. you know." i actually don't fez but sure.

i guess that applies for mariana too , but maybe me and fez are just different.

"how does she make you feel ?"

oh hell nah i'm not getting all deep with him over this.

i looked at him , shaking my head.

"alright bruh.. i don't know. she like.. funny and fun. and makes me feel all soft and shit." i gave in after he kept looking at me.

"i don't fuckin know fez." i sighed , this shit is too much.

"she's got you whipped bruh." he laughed , making me annoyed.

"yeah , just like that lexi chick has you." i got up , walking back to where i always am , the freezers.

-

Mariana:

school. a fucking hell hole.

this time i went to school with literally zero friends , which of course i saw brielle around but i tried my hardest not to even look in her direction.

but seeing her made me realize that she actually dropped me.. before i hadn't really put much thought it in , i was distracted.

but now after the kiss , my head was so wrapped around that , that i wanted something else to think about. and of course , my mind goes to that.

it actually makes me really upset... ima fucking loner. which if i was to say it out loud , i would laugh.
but it's pretty said when i'm not saying it out loud.

i have nobody.. except rue obviously , but she's a junior and i literally can't depend on her.

and ashtray.. but he doesn't go to school.

so i'm all alone. and alone when i really want to talk to someone.

speaking of rue , she decided to walk with me ok my way home.

and since she's visibly not sober , i took my chance to rant to her.. since she's probably forget what i said in 30 minutes max.

"woah , you kissed ashtray ?"

hearing it makes of official. god.

"yeah.. should i feel guilty ?" she didn't know why i would even feel guilty , but i asked anyway.

"i don't know mar.. i really don't think i should be the one to tell you either." she chuckled.

i nodded , letting it go silent for awhile.

"do you think it's possible to be in love with someone you're not even dating yet ?" i asked her , wanting to know her opinion.

she turned to me , "uhh , yeah. i think so."

she wrapped her arm around me , making me getting pulled closer to her. "you in love with ashtray or something ?"

"i don't know."

am i ?
could i be ?
maybe.
should i be ?
no.

AUTHORS NOTES.

😀 thank you ! but maybe don't do the second part.. that makes me so nervous 😭😭😭
imagine their just at school "nah that book isn't that good.." "i think it is" NOOOO

-

any ideas ??? help

.