ashtray seemed like he was more worried about me telling the cops than anything.
i had left the store , i didn't want to stay there with them because i was scared. so i went back to my house , even though i know i'm gonna have to eventually go back to fez's.
reaching my house , this time i knew my dad wasn't gonna be there. so i opened the door , walking slowly so i could look around one good time.
i had many memories here. me and my dad relationship wasn't all that good , but he was still my dad , i loved him no matter what. and now he's gone.
i was sobbing at this point , i was scared. neither of my parents were in my life now , and i was living with two people i've known for a month , and one of them killed my dad.
i sat on my bed , looking over every part of my room.
the longer i sat , the more my thoughts started to get worse. i was thinking of every way ashtray could've done it , the imagine of my dad laying there lifeless.
and i felt guilty , i had feelings for ashtray. i have feelings for him.
what am i supposed to do now ?
i don't know.
i got up , grabbing another backpack i had and hurried , grabbing more of my clothes. i wanted to have enough so i didn't have to come back for awhile , after this i don't want to come back here.
i walked out of my house , wiping my eyes.
i didn't know where to go , i was staying at fez's but i was nervous to go back there.
at the end of the day , i will. but maybe not right now.
i pulled out my phone , calling brielle.
"hello ?" "brielle. are you home ?" "no , why ?" "are you crying ?" "no.. where are you ?" "ava's. where are you ? what's wrong ?" "oh. never mind , bye." "what-."
she was at ava's , which means i can't go to her , so i called rue next.
it rung and rung , but she didn't answer me.
i sighed , sitting on the porch of my house.
both of my friends were no use , i had no where to go. except back to fez's.
it was getting late , which means it's getting dark.
i collected myself , standing up and grabbing my backpack , walking towards fez's house.
i didn't know what i was gonna say to them , there was nothing to say.
the sight of their house made my stomach hurt , the smell of chemicals when i first got there made sense now.
"mariana." fez spoke , opening the door.
i held my breathe , walking in the house as he moved out of the way.
when i reached the living room ashtray stared at me , squinting his eyes.
"i didn't tell the fucking cops." i told him , im assuming that's why he was looking at me the way he was.
he didn't say anything or do anything , just looked at me.
i had every right to tell the cops , but i didn't. i don't know why i didn't , i should've. but in a way i felt like i was be betraying them.
yeah ashtray committed a murder , but fez gave me a place to stay no matter what. i still feel bad , and i shouldn't.
fez walked over , sitting on the other couch.
it was quiet , neither of them said anything. the only noise was from the tv.
i had thought about it , they shouldn't trust custer like they are. he could at any moment go tell the cops.
"who all knows ?" i spoke up , my voice was still shaky.
"custer and you." fez answered.
i wasn't mad at fez , maybe he was trying to protect me which is why he wasn't telling me. i was just kinda disappointed.
ashtray however , i am mad at him , disappointed too.
i don't know what it was about him , he barely talked and he he didn't show that he liked me at all , but i still am questioning my feelings for him ? and now , i don't know what to do. i would say i can't control who i like , but in a way i feel like i should be able to.
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ashtrays pov:
i shouldn't feel bad. i didn't like the way mouse did business , and i was protecting fez.
but i don't like the way he looked at me , she was scared in the moment she found out. i don't like that she's scared of me , more specifically what i could do to her.
i don't know why i feel bad , i've known her for a month. she's just staying here because of what i did to her dad.
i think fez cares about her , maybe that's why i feel bad.
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the truth is , ashtray was feeling something towards the girl , he just didn't know how to explain what he was feeling. of course he felt bad , he killed her dad. but not only that , mariana had trusted him , and hung out with him for a good while before , and now who knows if any of that will matter now.
ashtrays never cared about getting a girlfriend , or any girl other than his grandma , and rue sometimes. he wouldn't say he cared for mariana , but he wouldn't say he didn't care for her.
what do i think ? i think he's crushing on her big time.
AUTHORS NOTES.
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