Step 1: steal diary
Step 2: squirt tarter sauce into a triangle on the diary
step 3:put in microwave for 5 minutes
step 4:bang it on your head 3 1/2 times
u opened it yay i did that to spongebob he was mmmaaaaddd "patrick what did you do to my diary" spongebob said uhh bye

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Patricks book on how to open things the best way
HumorThe revolutionary book on how to open things from patrick himself.