Fibromyalgia- My Story

The Pain is Real.

Pain.

I feel it every day. I feel it everywhere. It never goes away.

I started to feel this weird pain in my left shoulder in March of 2014.

Now at the time, I figured it was just that I was holding the violin wrong, but when I started feeling the same sharp, numbing pain in my right shoulder as well...I knew it wasn't.

Now I figured it was a pinched nerve in my neck. But the pain spread to my neck, back and then to my head. Have you ever had a headache that hurt so much that it almost felt as if you were being stomped on by a huge elephant, or any big animal for that matter and all you can think about is how badly you want to just lay down in the dark and try to move the headache out of your mind, metaphorically speaking that is. The headache is so bad that you can't think straight, or focus on anything normally... yeah me too. The headaches were just as bad, but on a daily basis. I couldn't think straight, school started getting ten times harder. The work didn't change, my mind did. My emotions did. My attitude started to change.

I wasn't me.

The more the pain spread, the more depressed I was getting. The more aggravated I became. I felt pain in my feet, knees, hands, legs, sides, you name the place and I had pain there. I didn't want to do anything. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and sleep all day, get up every now and then for food and bathroom breaks, and then go back to laying down. My daily routine was waking up fifteen minutes before school started, brushing my hair, throwing on either sweatpants or leggings and a hoodie, grabbing my bag. Taking a Tylenol, and going to school. After school was over, I'd come home, eat something, anything to give me some, any amount of energy, and then cuddling up in a ball and watch some show on Netflix until I fell asleep and repeated everything all over again. What kind of life is that?

I started to drive everyone I knew away. I didn't want to be hugged because it hurt me. I didn't want to talk because it hurt. But most importantly I couldn't stand not being understood. How could anyone understand what I was going through when I wasn't even quite sure what I was going through myself? How do you sit back and feel so much pain and not know why you were in so much pain and be cool with it? You can't physically do that, or at least I couldn't.

That's when I started to think everyone was right, I was crazy. I thought maybe the pain was in my head. But when it got so bad that I could hardly get out of bed in the morning, I knew right there and then that I wasn't crazy. The pain was real.

Finally I started seeing doctors about my pain. Even they seemed confused. I had bloodwork done, I had an MRI done, and both of them came out clean. There was no medical proof that something was wrong. I didn't have a pinched nerve, I didn't have diabetes or any other kind of illness. That's when most people stopped believing me.

They said I was a "drama queen". I was an "attention whore". People in school found out and they would point fingers and laugh. They didn't want to talk to me because "only lies come out of her mouth".

Finally on August 25th 2014, I went to go see a rheumatologist, a doctor that specializes in pain. He told me that I had Fibromyalgia, and that there was really no cure, only ways you could relieve the pain a little bit. That day he brought seven other doctors in the room, and told me that it wasn't every day that he met an underage girl who had fibromyalgia.

A huge part of me was relieved. I finally knew what was causing my pain, but there was still no way of stopping it. But what made it worse, is not everyone I knew believed fibromyalgia was real. Imagine searching and searching for an answer, and when you finally get it, some of the most important people in your life don't support it at all. It's a horrible feeling.

For those who don't know, Fibromyalgia is basically a widespread of never ending pain throughout the body. It's all basically in your nerves. Let's say you just stubbed your toe, your nerves quickly sends a signal to the brain telling your brain you are in pain in that area, which is how and or why you feel pain there. My nerves or anyone with fibromyalgia's nerves are almost the same set up. Except when my nerves go to tell the brain that I am in pain, regardless of the area, the nerve signal splits and goes to my brain, and my bloodstream. It then slows down my bloodstream which means my cells don't always get as much oxygen as I need, which explains why I am in pain all the time.

I soon came to realize that I just had to fight through it, and do little things to help with the pain. I started drinking a lot more water than I did before, and I would do things in the morning to make me feel a little better, like some stretches. But the one thing I found that was most helpful was staying around people who loved and supported me and my new diagnoses. I started spending more time with my family, and I valued it more too. I was no longer "too busy" every weekend for my friends. I did anything I could to keep my mind off of the pain, for example listening to music. I started to dress up more for school, even if it meant only slipping on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, it was a step up. Most importantly I woke up every morning and I smiled, sometimes I had to force the smile, but I realized that it hurt more to frown, and I just had to stay positive.

Fibromyalgia actually makes me a stronger person, crazy right? Every day I experience unexplainable pain in places I shouldn't be having pain and all that sucks. But I believe with my friends, family, and God I can get through the day with one step at a time.

So, when May 12th comes around wear purple for anyone who has fibromyalgia. Support and spread awareness of the invisible illness that doesn't get noticed as much as it should. If you know someone with fibromyalgia, give them a hug- gently of course! And be sure to tell them that you everything will be alright.

Be the voice that is heard and spread the word!

Stay Positive, Stay Healthy, and Stay Strong. Let's find a cure!

Thanks for reading! XoXo!