~Jesselin~
I cowered under my bed for hours. When I heard the door slam, I flinched.
"Is she here?" Chloe asked.
"I don't know," Marie said. "Hey! Lopez!" I knew her calling me by my last name meant something bad.
"Maybe she's in her room," Jaeson suggested, confirming my suspicion that he was, in fact, here.
"I'll check," Marie said.
"Jaeson, are you thirsty?" Ashlyn offered sweetly before they, with Chloe, started talking about the classes they had that day.
Marie walked into my room and closed the door behind her. She kicked a box of tissues under my bed.
"Talk," she commanded sitting on the floor. I sighed.
"About what?" I asked.
"Why'd you cut again?" She asked.
"Don't you know who he is?" I hissed impatiently at her as I cleaned my wrist with the tissues. "Don't you recognize him at all?"
"Maybe a little," Marie said, frustration beginning to colour her tone.
"Think far back, to about eighth grade." I said coldly, the memory sending daggers into my heart. Marie's eyes widened.
"You mean-"
"Yeah," I said softly. "He's back, and he's here, in my creative writing class, and now my dorm. And I love him, but he doesn't know. And I can't tell him because the last time we spoke, we had a fight that resulted in him blocking me on Facebook. Marie, I'm going to die."
"No," Marie said when my little speech was over. "You're going to be fine. Okay? Just fine. "
"If losing him for five years was enough to turn me into an angry drunk, just imagine what he can do to me this time. " I whispered quietly. Her brow furrowed in concentration.
"You have to talk to him. Maybe not now, but you have to sit him down. Tell him who you are, and tell him how much he's hurt you. You have to let him know so you can stop suffering. I'm tired of seeing you like this, drinking until you pass out. Your turning into Kian." She said.
Kian was my best friend. When we were younger, and I still lived in the United States, there were times he would get black out drunk. I tried to help him, but I could only text him, never be there to really coax him into putting the bottle down.
"I-I- so?" I cried. "So what if I'm turning into Kian?" I stood up and grabbed my phone before running to the front door.
"Hey Lopez," Ashlyn said to me. I turned towards her.
"We were just talking about Jaeson's ex girlfriend from eighth grade," she said cautiously.
"I knew her," I muttered.
Jaeson's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Yeah," I said. I turned towards the door. "And she's dead." I said. With that, I stormed out of the front door, my jacket in hand.
I ran to the nearest tree and sat down, leaning up against the tree. I was gasping for air, in shock about what had just happened. I then started to sob, knowing the guy I was in love with since eighth grade now believed I was dead. It was a lot to deal with, even if I was the one who told him I died. But I knew one thing for sure. He didn't care.
I picked up my phone and called the one person I needed to talk to right now since I didn't have the strength to walk.
"Hello?"
~Jaeson~
I sat there in shock. I could only think of one thing. Suicide. The word bounced around my head. I felt like I was going to throw up.
"Jaeson?" Ashlyn asked, stretching a hand out to touch my arm softly. "Are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah," I stuttered, starting to choke on the air. "J-Just taken by surprise. No one thought she could do it. No one thought she was brave enough to."
"Well a desperate girl can do anything," Marie said, coming out of Lopez's room. She was clearly in distress but I couldn't help her. I was too lost in my own pain.
"It was a-"
"Suicide, yeah." Marie cut me off. "She killed herself over someone who wasn't even worth it. She let it destroy her for so long until there was nothing left to destroy. And you can figure out the rest."
Was it me? Did she kill herself over me? That's all I could think about.
"Jaeson, are you sure you're alright?" Chloe asked me. I just nodded.
"I- I uh have to get back. T-to my dorm," I managed to say. I stood up and walked out until I reached the dorm I would be staying in. No one was there, so I dropped onto my bed and just laid there, dozens of thoughts swarming my head like flies. Did I kill her? Did I push her over? Did I abandon her when she needed me most? What would I do if I could have her back?
Well I'd hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her of course, I thought, answering that last question. I'd tell her she was loved and that I'd never leave her again. I'd promise her I'd never leave her side. That no one would ever love her like I did, and do. I'd give her the promise ring I bought so many years ago. Hers was purple and mine was blue, representing our favorite colors. It was also engraved with our names. Mine said "Jesselin" and hers said "Jaeson". I grabbed the box with the rings and held it to my chest and sighed.
"Now what?" I muttered to myself.
~Jesselin~
I sat at the base of the tree sobbing and waiting for Kian. My wrist was still dripping all over my pants but I had more important things to think about.
About ten minutes later I heard someone walking near me.
"Jess?" I heard Kian say.
"H-Here," I called out, stumbling out into the open. Kian ran over and wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me up. I was grateful for that, because I wasn't sure how long my legs would hold me up.
"What happened?" He asked me. I started sobbing again as he led me to his car and started to drive to his house off campus.
"Talk to me," he said. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.
"Jaeson's here," I said softly. "And he thinks I'm dead."
"Why?" Kian asked me, clearly confused.
"I told him I was. And then I ran out."
"And then you cut," he said through gritted teeth. I pulled my jacket sleeve down and looked out of the window, trying to hide my shame.
"Jess?" He called my attention back to him.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Please, don't do it again," he said quietly, looking at my wrist. "I know it's of no use, because you're obviously going to do it again. "
"How about we drink on it?" I asked him, winking. He just laughed at me.
"Good to know I have my drinking buddy back," he smiled at me.
