Have I forgotten how to love; remind me once again

Chapter Thirty-Two

A/N This is not optimal for my mental health.

A horrible feeling of déjà vu wakes with Louis, accompanying him from the moment he opens his eyes; four guys seated around their sick friend, without as much as a contraction of his fingers to reassure Louis that the love of his life is going to be okay, only the steady beeping from the machinery surrounding the bed serving as a confirmation that Harry's at least alive.

Nobody else is awake in the room, and when Louis looks to his phone, he realizes that it's only five in the morning and he groans tiredly, attempting to move to a more comfortable position in his chair which only ends up serving as a reminder for the many muscles in his body that aches from falling asleep like this.

Desperately, he searches Harry's face for any sign that he is waking up, and Louis is still searching when his eyes start slipping shut again, much against his own will.

Next time he wakes, barely an hour has passed, yet everyone one else is awake when Louis straightens in his chair, eyes instantly finding Harry's face again. Still no luck and Louis tries to strangle the disappointment lingering in his chest.

Liam offers to get some food, and Louis manages a shrug, which is taken as a yes. Zayn asks Louis if he wants some fresh air. Louis declines, even though he could really use a smoke right now. "I need to be here when Harry wakes up", he croaks, voice hoarse from lack of use and crying.

There are no reassurances interchanged between them because they're all equally scared, not knowing how Harry is going to feel when he wakes up - if he wakes up, that is - and no empty comforting words are going to change that. If anything, they'll simply serve as a painful reminder of how meaningless the words are.

Finally, around ten, when a nurse has already checked on Harry twice, the boy's eyelids flutter lightly, and of course Louis is the first to notice, subconsciously leaning closer, even though he is already halfway on the bed in his attempt to both stroke Harry's cheek and hold his hand tightly at the same time.

It only takes another ten seconds for Harry's eyes to actually open, instantly shutting again when they meet the clear light of the hospital room. Without having to ask, Liam instantly rushes to the hallway to catch a nurse, but before he returns, Harry starts grumbling lowly.

The first noises - they can hardly be classified as words - fall over Harry's lips without any clear meaning and Louis doesn't even think before pulling the contact string next to Harry's head, terrified that this means something is wrong in Harry's brain, the staff not able to get here quickly enough.

A nurse rushes in, followed closely by a doctor and Liam too, just in time to hear Harry's meaningless groans to change into something of pain instead, and Louis' worry increases while he desperately squeezes Harry's hand for some kind of acknowledgement that Harry recognizes his touch - hell, just that he recognizes the fact that someone is touching him.
He doesn't, simply begins moving slowly from side to side, attempting to move his hands to his head but giving up halfway, ending up with nothing but pained noises accompanying the increasingly unsteady beeping of the heart monitor in the room.

Louis is told to move away, and he thought he was doing so, but apparently not because then Zayn's hand is gently wrestling Louis' hand from Harry's and continuing to pull Louis away from his chair while the doctor holds Harry down against the bed.

Louis wants to scream that they need to be gentle, that his boy is fragile and they're breaking him apart. Maybe he does scream that, but nobody reacts, the doctor simply continues pressing Harry down and saying something to him, presumably trying to calm him, but it isn't working.

Harry is tossing and turning more and more violently, and Louis isn't sure if it's Harry screaming in pain or himself. He only knows that the one thing keeping him from attacking the doctor and throwing him off his boy is Zayn's arms winding tightly around him.