BTS Sickfics [Slow Updates]

Namjoon - Panic Attack pt. 1

Requested by Moonstone_Alpha <3

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Namjoon's POV

As the leader of BTS, I have to maintain the group's activities and make sure the members are in the best condition without any problems that doubt them. The members and fans consider me the best leader and role model, but sometimes I wonder if it is true?

Maybe I'm a great leader, but that's not enough to lead a group. I must be good at dancing, rapping, and singing. Producing is nothing much to me as I've been doing it for years. When it comes to performances and music video shootings, I get anxious. Especially if it is a hard choreography or if I have to sing in it. Will fans like it? The same thing happens when I write lyrics. I'm always aware of myself when I write songs to make sure I'm not plagiarising any artist's original works. I have to gain a lot of information from supervisors and books before I write lyrics because of that.

After a long day of dance practices, I and the members came to our dorm, feeling proud of ourselves for our improvements. Hybe recently released a video of the dance practice of our new song. I didn't go to Youtube; instead, I wanted to see ARMY's reaction to our dance practice video on Twitter. The hashtags were trending and I could not hold my smile in. I went through hashtag to hashtag seeing each and everyone's reactions until two comments caught my attention.

"Yall saying 'they are amazing and very talented' all that but look at that tall coconut tree behind all of them. He's SLACKING in dancing, who even selected him into the group? Just a bunch of seaweed dancing. He's doing a one-man show because the moves others are doing are way different than his'"

"I love BTS but I can't hide my disappointment towards Namjoon like look at him! He is struggling to keep up with others! Yoongi and Jin aren't dancers but they're doing way better than him! They have been doing this job for years and I can't believe he still can't dance."

Author's POV

Namjoon was speechless. He knew those were hate comments, but for some reason, he couldn't stop himself from reading those two tweets over and over again. Ten minutes after those two tweets dropped his dimple smile, he had to say only one thing; "I need to work harder and not disappoint ARMYs. Or else I'll be a burden to this group."

As he said that, he went out of his room and went towards the entrance of the dorm.

"Hyung?" Jimin asked, seeing their leader trying to go out in a hurry.
"Y-Yes Jimin?"
"Where are you going this night?"
"Uhh, I have some friends to meet. I'll try to come as soon as possible." Namjoon rapped out.
"You didn't take your dinner yet!" Jin shouted from the kitchen.
"I know hyung! If I get late for dinner, I'll eat from the outside!" Namjoon shouted back.
"Alright hyung, but be safe okay?"
"I will Chim. I have to go now, see you soon." Namjoon hurried and went out of the dorm.

Namjoon's legs moved by themselves and he did not know where he was going either. Somehow, after walking endlessly, he finally came to the park. He was thankful that his feet were able to bring him to the place where he likes to spend his time whenever his mind is full of problems.

He enjoyed the cold breeze traveling through the trees there. However, this time, it's different. His emotions suddenly choked in his throat, and painfully let out his heartbreaking sobs. What he didn't realise, was that his breath started to pick up. Soon, he felt like suffocating. He tried to control himself, but his emotions have already taken over his entire mind and body.

It didn't take that long for him to realise he was having a panic attack. He couldn't even call the members, because he didn't want to make them worried. After taking some deep breaths and controlling himself, he continued walking toward their dance practice room.

After reaching there, he took off his hood and mask. He sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror in front of him. Even though he was working out, it still looked as if his body is not in a good shape.

He did not dance to any of their songs that have easy choreography. So, he started to practice "ON", "IDOL", "Blood, Sweat and Tears" etc. He didn't realise he was practicing for 4 hours straight until his phone started to buzz with its screen on. It was a call. He picked up the phone just to see 'Jin' for the caller ID name. Namjoon hesitated to pick up the phone at first but he knew Jin would not let him sleep peacefully for ignoring him. So he picked up the phone, getting ready for the 'rap lecture'.

Namjoon's POV

I didn't want to answer the phone call but it was better to answer it than to get blamed by him non-stop while others are sleeping.

"Yah Kim Namjoon! It's 11 pm already and you didn't come back home yet! Where the heck are you? I got worried when you didn't answer my phone calls." He rapped.
"Sorry hyung, I was about to come there because my friend asked me to stay for a sleepover but I have work tomorrow so I told him I need to go. Don't worry I'll be back at the dorm soon. You don't need to wait for me, you can sleep." I rapped back without giving him a chance to say anything else.
"If you say so... Okay then, don't forget we have some recording and dance practices to do tomorrow, be at home quickly, I'll go to sleep. Good night."
"Good night hyung." I said before he hummed and ended the call.

Just after the call ended, I packed my belongings and went out of the practice room. 'I want to practice more' always repeated in my head but I ignored it and went to the dorm.

After I entered the dorm, I was too tired to go to my room so I decided to sleep on the couch.

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I'm still writing part 2 of this. It'll take some time but until then I'll make sure to upload other chapters I have saved in my drafts.
I can't thank you guys enough for the love and support you guys showed towards the book and me <3

I love you all