Not yet - Danisnotonfire fanfiction

Chapter 9

This made me think of Hannah's birth.

I was around 19 at the time, and I had a friend to live with. She moved out after I had the baby, so I had to find another flatmate. Had to find a babysitter, but when my flatmate came and saw Hannah she immediately told me she can take care of her until I get enough money to get a proper babysitter.

The day of her birth was the most amazing and horrifying thing at the same time.

It was the year 2011, really nice cold fall season, when I felt something bad in my stomach.

"Are you okay?" Lynn asked, and I shook my head.

"It really hurts" I mumbled painfully.

"Which month are you in?"

"9th I think"

"FUCKING HELL YOU'RE IN LABOR YOU IDIOT LET'S GO TO THE HOSPITAL" and so we went there. When we arrived, my water broke in front of the hospital, and I got taken to a room. The doctor checked me, and sent me to the delivery room, where after 2 hours Hannah came out. It bloody hurt, but when I first looked at her, I knew I would do anything for her, even though she was born by mistake. I screamed, there was blood everywhere, but it was worth it.

"What's the name?"

"Hannah Charlotte"

I texted Louise, because she gave birth to her daughter Darcy a month earlier, and we spoke on the phone for about 15 minutes, and that was the moment when I realized: I'm a mother. I have a child. I'm gonna have to look after the child. I'm gonna have to work hard, I'm gonna have to do everything I can to make her happy.

Eventually, I got a well paid job as an assistant at a private psychologist, where me and my boss talked a lot about psychology, and in the beginning, he asked me why didn't I finished uni.

After my throwback to 2011, I grabbed a cab, and went back home.

On my way home, I cried like a baby, and got a nice existential crisis.

Louise fell asleep on my bed, so I had to use Jack's. I checked Hannah, and I went to wash my face. I looked into the mirror and sighed.

I took a short shower, and went to the bedroom.

My mother died, Jack's in the hospital, Phil is marrying Dan (?? I don't know I haven't heard from him in a while) and I feel like a massive pile of shit.

I changed into a big t-shirt, and I went to the unknown territory, also known as Jack's bed.

Never been there before 8/8 would not recommend. I don't know how he feels about other people sleeping in his bed, but the couch is too small. I've experienced it.

As soon as I laid my head on the pillow, the scent hit me. I buried my head in the pillow (just because it smelled nice) and I fell asleep.

I dreamed about Jack being the usual dickhead, and that everyone is happy, Hannah is all grown-up, and we're all a happy family.

Of course I woke up with a wet face, sweating my ass off. I looked at the nightstand, of course I barely saw anything, and it was 5:05 in the morning.

I fell back asleep again, and when I woke up I heard noises from outside.

"Uh"

"You okay?"

"Yes, my throat hurts a bit."

"You threw up a lot."

"That explains it all"

"Let's get you to the room."

"No, that's Hannah's" Louise was gone from my bed. I wanted to sleep for 10 more hours.

"I'll get him don't worry" I heard Louise's voice through the door.

The door slammed open, and I heard.

"Jesus christ bloody hell" I literally rolled out of his bed and fell on the floor.

"Sorry, Louise was sleeping in mine, so" I muttered facing the floor

"Dora, I'll go home now."

"Thank you Louise, god bless you" I got up to give her a hug.

"You're welcome, anytime." They took off, so I went back.

It was 7 AM.

"Oh shit" I grunted. I had to take Hannah to the kindergarten. I woke her up, took her, then I called in sick, and told them I'll do a double shift tomorrow.

I was getting ready when Jack muttered:

"Can you get me an aspirin and some water, thanks"

"Sure" I said. I was back with the two things in a minute. "You need anything else?"

"Maybe an 'I'm-not-sure-if-I-want-to-remember-what-happened-last-night' pill." I cackled.

"I'll be back in half an hour; I'm taking Hannah to the kindergarten"

"Okay"

"Sleep tight" I covered him with his duvet, I closed the blinds and went to the door. I looked back at him and whispered to myself: "Prince Charming" I pulled a crooked smile on my face, got Hannah ready and dropped her off.

I talked to my boss on the phone later on that day, who also had a really bad case of hangover, so when I called him, he told me that he doesn't care about today, he'll call someone to go in, and we'll deal with it.

On my way back I got a loaf of bread and some other shit from Tesco's.

When I was at the store, the question hit me: what the actual fuck is going on with my life?

I kind of had an existential crisis right there in the middle of Tesco Express, while leaning against a wall, realizing that other people are trying to buy the cartons of milk behind me.

I ended up at home with a bunch of nonsense food, with one foot still in the crisis.