Zenaida| March, 18th 9:38 pm
It's been days since i last talked to Nolani and I missed her, I honestly didn't mean for things to go the way they did I was just a wreck in the moment.
But that has never gave me the right to spew those hurtful words out of my mouth but I did and I beat myself up over it ever since it happened.
Genuinely I don't know what's gotten into me but I really need to find help and upping and leaving the city and going back to Hampshire is literally out of the books all in all.
New Hampshire used to be a get away when I had to leave for college or just go back there just because I was running away from real life, I realized it wasn't healthy long ago when I started to smoke heavily and damn near drink myself to sleep.
It was my way of coping because I never had anyone other than Nolani and my brother to count on but everyone one has their own problems I didn't wanna just throw my life on them and feel like they had to help carry my burden.
Even I left Nolani countless of voice messages, text messages from different apps, really the whole 10 within the last 2 days , it seems as though she don't want anything to do with me which I would accept if that was really the case.
"I'm just gonna try one more time." I told myself referring to calling nolani.
The phone rung and rung until it went to voicemail mail making me huff out of frustration, but I could only be frustrated at myself.
I got up out my bed for the 10th time today and went to my brother's room.
I knocked on the door a few times, then I heard shuffling before the door opened and revealed my brother.
"What?"
"I need to use your phone.." i trailed off, he looked at me annoyed before shutting his door in my face.
A couple seconds later he came back with his phone and held it out for me.
"Hurry up wit my shit." He said before shutting the door once again in my face making me roll my eyes, rude ass bitch.
I went to his call log and dialed up nolani's number hoping she'd answer, I already know she knows its me because her and my brother never really got along so he wouldn't be calling her for anything.
It rung about 3 times before she answered, and when she did I was quiet for a moment trying to collect my words.
"Hey.." I said a little above a whisper, I wasn't sure if she was gonna just hang up or what.
"What you want?" Nolani asked, attitude lacing her voice, clearly what I said still made her feel some type of way towards me.
"Look I know I fucked up and words can't even express how sorry I am but you gotta hear me out, I understand you can't say out of pocket shit and expect everything to be okay. I kicked Elijah out shortly after you left as well because I didn't need his shit, I just needed to get my mind right and I still do.." I rushed out pausing for a second and continued to give her a earful of what I had to say.
"I'm just a wreck right now okay? And thats no excuse I'm just so sorry you don't understand, I felt like complete shit from the time I said what I said til now. I literally love you, you're my sister that's not my sister and I wouldn't trade you for anything in this world." I continued on to rant but stopped because of the shuffling on Nolani's end.
