Are you in the right Bathroom? (FtM Transgender)

Chapter Thirteen - Man Up

A/N I hope you enjoy this chapter, chapter thirteen.

I've been listening to the song Blue Lips sung by Regina Spektor, album is called Far.  Might link in her YouTube video for the song with this chapter.  It sounds amazing and the piano is quite spectacular throughout the whole song.  Creates great lead up in my opinion.

- Hunter

Chapter Thirteen - Man Up

She slaps me across the face and I feel my face heat up.  

"You selfish bitch!"  She yells at me spitting on my face.  

I stand quietly waiting for her next attack upon me.  

"You fucking treat me like shit and you just fucking use me!  Your a pathetic excuse of a daughter and I hate you!  All that I've done for you!  And you still treat me like shit!"  She yells, redness truly showing upon her ugly face now.  

I just keep waiting until she sends me to my room.  

"You're not going to Louise's place tomorrow, you don't deserve to go and I've had a fucking enough of you."

Dream on bitch, I'll go to Louise's place whether you like it or not.  I'll just run off again like when I got Louise's mum to tell you I was transgender.  But even then you still didn't want to talk to me because I trusted someone else's mother over my own mother.  And you wonder why!  This is how you react, you take everything out on me until you just start crying because you've got nothing better to do.  Then you blame your depression on me.  Let me tell you 'mother' I wouldn't be depressed at all if you just supported me for being transgender and started calling me James.  Helped me start saving up for my future transition instead of taking everything out on me.  I go to my room without my mother's permission.

"COME AT ME CUNT!"  I yell out.

I hear my mother's footsteps come to my door and I hold it shut.  I know I've gone too far.  But she's made me feel like shit.  And when you make me feel like shit I get angry.  My mother is lucky I haven't threatened her with me killing myself and grabbing a knife in the kitchen to show that I'm truly serious.  But unfortunately I'm not game enough for that I know where that would end up putting me.  I hold my door until my mother decides to walk away and leave me be.  I turn the lights off and then I start crying, no one cares and unfortunately Louise is asleep and I can't talk to her.  And I really need to talk to her.  The only person I can possibly have a chance to talk to is Christina, and I've been avoiding her since school ended last year.  

I'll try to call Louise, Mene and Hannah before I even considered calling Christina.  I call them all three times before I decide to give up and consider whether calling Christina would be a good idea or not.  Because the chances are she'll most likely pick up.  I lay in bed holding in tears and trying to control my chest pains that are just killing me.  I only get these pains when I feel like my heart is about to burst because I just feel so unloved by everyone around me right now and I even doubt that Louise loves me because well she can totally find a better guy than me.  I decide to call Christina.  But the minute she picks up and I try to speak my voice gives away how I upset I really am and I decide to hang up. 

I'll call Christina again once I've calmed down a bit more and my mother has gone to bed.  And that's when I decide to start writing the letter that'll hopefully get the message that I want to get across to you.  The only reason I got in trouble tonight was because I happened to have eaten more than enough pie than what I was supposed to have and she went off her tree at me.  Because apparently she told me she was saving it for another day.  Yes she told me, but when you have a mother that barely cooks enough to keep you alive when your father is away you can understand my desperation when it comes to food.  I practically live off one meal a day!