Are you in the right Bathroom? (FtM Transgender)

Chapter Four - Crying Emotional Mess

A/N I'm glad you’re all sticking with me while writing my story. Means a lot to me, somehow it makes me feel special if you know what I mean. One vote and one comment please at least, I need to at least know that someone cares.

I hope your enjoying what you've read in my story so far. If you'd like me to write a specific chapter about anything please let me know. Also remember if you want to be dedicated to this chapter write on chapter three that you'd like this chapter to be dedicated to you. Thanks. Let me know about the grammatical and spelling errors if there are any. Hope you have a good day/night.

-James

Chapter Four - Crying Emotional Mess

I'm waiting for Louise, the bell went less than a minute ago. I can already see girls rushing out of school. Guess everyone regards school as hell and quickly find their way to get out of it. It is 3:25pm before I see Louise walking out of school. She took her time today I guess. She knew she was going to have to deal with me being all sad and depressed. I know she doesn't want to deal with me, but I know that she is grateful that I stayed back just to see her. I'm sitting on the ground, I've got a Snapchat from one of my friends. Nothing interesting so I put my phone away. I feel Louise sit down beside me, I feel her touch, she is hugging my arm. Louise just loves my arms, she can't get enough of them, she is always massaging them as well.  I don’t think I’ll ever understand the deal that she has with my arms.  

"Smile." Louise says blankly while looking straight ahead.

I smile and look at her sadly, I can't make a proper smile hit the curves of my mouth.

"Properly..." Louise says in an undefined tone.

I smile properly this time, because I can't stop laughing at the expression that Louise currently has on her face. Wish I knew why she was giving me that look, I haven't done anything wrong. I hope that no trouble is caused on the bus we get on today. I hate it when random people approach Louise and I, because I freeze up, my mind stops functioning properly and I go into freak out mode. I can't deal with things like that, thankfully Louise helps back me up. But she becomes quite rattled afterwards. She hates it when people hurt me. I love knowing that Louise cares for me.  That’s one of the many things that I never feel emotionally when I’m at home with my parents.

The bus stops in front of us, Louise and I get on it with a few other students that go to our school. I look around for someone in particular, I don't want to run into the dirt bag again, he's caused me enough psychological problems, and I don't need anymore. I'm very self-conscious these days, I always give people who look at me some sort of stare, I don't know what kind of stare, but they don't look back at me again, thankfully.

I hate having to be what I am, I really am a nice person, but it takes forever for people to realise that. I hate everyone around me except for Louise and a couple of friends of mine. Some of my friend's annoy me from day to day, but I've gotten used to them, they aren't all annoying, just one of them. And that one would be Christina, but she has a good heart.  So I can’t get too angry with her because she means well and she really does care about me. I don't really like paying attention to things anymore, I have better things to think about. I still happen to hand up my work on time though, now that's a good thing. My grades are better. I guess that is because I spend most of my time in my room doing homework, I hate seeing my parents, some nights I only see them for at least half an hour. They aren't worth my time, all they do is make me feel worse than what I already I feel.

We get off at Roth Street to wait for our next bus to take us home, so many things are being said in my head, I'm freaking out, I don't think I can deal with having to wear the dress, I'll kill myself before that happens. If I decide to die and kill myself, before I do that, I'll send Mrs Yale a letter saying that she's the reason for my death. She'll then feel guilty and then that'll make her life hell, I'd gladly do that, but Louise is my precious little sweetheart, I can't leave her, we're not allowed to end like Romeo and Juliet, I'm always pushing myself to keep going so we don't have to end that way. I need to make sure that we both don't commit suicide, if one of us goes, then the next one follows... It is really depressing to think about. Louise and I have sort of blackmailed each other in the same way.  Like you die, I die.