I fucked up so hard. Idk why I would ever think that I deserve or can have anything that's good. Idk why I thought I could be happy for once. I feel so useless and stupid and like drowning. I'm bathing in my depression and I just want to drown. I don't want to swim anymore, I don't want to fight for the last breath anymore, I really want to just be done. I mess up and break everything I touch. I can't walk two steps without falling. You know you lost yourself the moment the feeling of smoke burning holes in your lungs is a relief. I just really want someone to find me. I realize that I'm not alone but I feel like I'm with nobody.
