I'm waiting for the day where I wake up and actually want to live and not just survive. I feel like I'm so alone and so incapable of being loved. I'm such a mess and such a hand full. I'm so complicated I can't even tell you what I'm feeling. Nothing and everything at the same time. I'm so numb from the pain I put myself through. I should be okay. I shouldn't be so fucking depressed. There's nothing truly bad in my life that'd make one so sad. My problems aren't even problems compared to others. I should be so happy. Why am I such a fuck up and can't just be happy. My smile should be real but it isn't. Everything just really sucks. I care so much about others and want to help them when I'm the one who needs help as well but I won't admit it because no one really cares.
