Trap Queen

Projects {Part 2}

Filling up with anxiety it is hard to breath. I turn and lock the door, then I grab my backpack and slowly walk to my room. I don't see him, maybe he went to the gas station?.. I shut my door and pull out my binder. I hope he stays at a friend house tonight. My dad abuses me, has since I was 12. I'm now 17. I'm pretty used to it, but Monday's he's a bit harsh.. More than usual. Especially if he's drunk.. Sometimes more than hits happen. No one, not even Alex knows I'm not a virgin. It was taken from me just like my moms life. I miss my mom, one day I got home from school and she wasn't there. I went to the low life I call dad and he sat me down. He told me she died in a shooting down the street, I cried but he told me he would take care of it. We never had a funeral but I always assumed it was because of money. I took a couple work sheets from my binder and finished them , studied math a bit before reading 2 chapters of the book I have due next month.
As I finish up I begin packing all my stuff back into my backpack, then starting on the house. I finish all of the dishes which takes me about 25 minutes, then I wipe the counters and stove spotless. Next I sweep up everything and toss it reaching for the mop and bucket. I carefully and precisely mop and make sure it is spotless. After the kitchen I clean around the house vacuuming and moping and wiping tables all throughout the house. After that's all done I take out all the bags of trash in all the rooms and toss them Into the outside trash can including the kitchen trash. I roll it down to the curb looking around while walking back to the house. Always watch your back, always. Never not around here. I get inside shutting the door behind me and walk to my room. I sit there looking up at my ceiling, guess it's time to call Alex.
*ring* I hear the ringing as I wait for him to answer. After a couple rings he picks up.
"Wasaa" he says with a hint of excitement.
"Hey, what are you doing" I ask
"Nothing , wondering if you are okay , what about you"? He says.
"I'm staring up at the ceiling, and I'm okay , my "dad" isn't home yet" I make hand gestures as I say dad.
"Oh that's good, hopefully he got into a car crash and is hospitalized, he doesn't deserve to be called your dad" he says getting angered.
I laugh "calm down killer, I agree but that's the only thing I have as of now, so I can't just run away".
"Your in 11 grade... You don't have much longer before you can get an apartment, and when u do I will be there if you need me.. You are my best friend I don't and will not see you struggling." He speaks.
"I know... This will all be over soon" I tell him.
"It's gonna be ight , just promise me to not stress yourself and let him or anything hurt you okay" he says feeling bad.
"I'll try my best, I'll call you later bye love you Alex" I say
"Ok, bye love you too Lexi.. Stay safe if you need me call me" he says before we hang up.
***
A few hours later I hear the door open with a yell.
"Honey I'm home" he says in a sly voice.
"Fu**"!! I think. Great this again.
He walks past my door into his bedroom , I hear faint sobs. Man not this again. I walk into his room
"Dad , mom passed away , remember"? He looks at me and looks down with a bit of acceptance. He hugs me and I cringe for a second. "Oh yeah.." He says remembering, and I feel the hotness from the alcohol in this breath. Then he punched me , right in my thigh and I stumble back a bit "ITS YOUR FAULT" he yells at me. "IF IT DIDNT BREAK OR MAYBE YOUR MOM WAS ON BIRTH CONTROL WE WOULD HAVE NEVER HAD YOU" he screams at me.
My eyes tear up but I try and hold it back.. I was an accident. "Go fuc*ing cook me something b*tch" he says annoyed. "Aww is little Lexi hurt. Is she crying for her mommy".. "Oh wait... She's dead". He laughs.
I walk away wiping the tears that are freely falling from my face. I can't do this I can't. I look in the kitchen for things but I find nothing but 1 left over steak and a macaroni cup (pictured above). I cook it and set them into a plate scooping out the macaroni tossing out the cup. I go in there and hand it to him.
"Where is the rest of it"? He ask almost with a demanding tone.
"That's all we have" I say sounding a bit tired.
"Oh, then guess someone has to wait until lunch tomorrow.. If u even have money" he taunts.
Shii... I don't have money, maybe I can find some.
I look at him "go clean" he says.
I already cleaned everything so I go to my room and wait for him to finish.
After about 25 minutes I check on him and he is finished , passed out next to the plate. I take the dirty dish and fork to the sink and wash it before wiping the counter again. "I'm gonna have a long night if he wakes up" I think to myself. I go into my room and think about everything for a couple minutes. I can't believe I was an accident. I knew it , it is my fault she died. Why am I still living. My head hurts from all these thoughts so I head to sleep and try to get some peace and quiet. I'm worthless.

(Will update soon, either later or tomorrow if possible)