I had to be proud of myself.
It started with what seems to me now to be the simplest of things.
At night when I wemt to bed I had to be proud of myself for not committing suicide that day. I had to be proud that I survived because at that time every day was a fucking fight.
Next was to be proud of not lining my skin with as many new scars as the day before until that turned into letting them heal, into not opening the old wounds back up after the fact. I had to be proud of eating that day, drinking that day, either was a win. getting out of bed before the sun went down instead of hiding away under the sheets simply to avoid the disappointed gaze of those around.
I had to be proud of brushing my hair instead of cutting it all off just to avoid the maintenance.
I had to be proud of the little things and make them big so I could trick myself into sticking around just a little longer till those little things turned big were simply life instead of work to be accomplished.
Eventually when the nessesities of survival weren't such a daily struggle i began to be proud of bigger and better things.
I was proud to find myself help, I was proud to make friends, to find slowly, oh so slowly, my self worth and leave those behind who individually pushed me back to the little things turned big.
Later in life I was proud for not only surviving myself but surviving those who convinced me i couldn't live with out them reguardless of the pain they caused or the threats they used.
Even when I stubbled and fell into addiction and dependency of those keeping me there i was proud. Because I was still there.
I am proud to have made it to 22 and every little thing turned big and big thing turned bigger, and will continue being proud cause even when nobody was, I had to be. Amd that os why im still here, amd that alone is a reason to be proud.
YOU ARE READING
Memoirs Of A Real Girl
De Todothis is just a book about girl you will never know. But as you read more I think you'll start see this person with out a name can be quite interesting. Eventually as the story progresses you'll know more about her than anyone does. Hopefully you'll...
