Changes:
(Same as last time but whatever :p)
1. I changed the perspective
2. Word Choice
3. I got more descriptive
4. Expanded the momentOriginal:
Socks started towards the base, and he wasn't too far away. As he was walking, he found footprints in the sand going in the same direction he was headed.. and the same direction Dino went. They were shaped in a creature-like foot, and a shoe. Socks looked in front of him to see Blaza and Dino about 30 yards in front of him, starting on the bridge that led to the base.
I might as well go to the base, they would figure it out anyways.. they were always good with this type of stuff.
Even though Socks wanted to meet up with them, his feet wouldn't move. It was almost as if some force was pushing him back. That is when he heard a voice in his head, almost like his conscience.
"No, don't go there!!!"
In his head, he responded with,
"Why not? They'll find out about what is happening soon enough! Especially if Dino is in there."
"I refuse! I won't let you!"
That is when Socks felt the sensation again. Something rolled down his cheek. He rubbed it off with the back of his hand, and looked at it. It was the same substance as before. No! I don't want to hurt anyone! Not now! He was expecting his mind to be taken over with the evil force from before, but he wasn't. He could still hear the voices though. He then felt a sensation in his chest. He looked down and there was a mouth that was stuck, shut. Socks just stood there, bewildered about what just happened. This was the first time he was conscious and saw it. He was about to touch his chest and see if it was painful when he noticed his right fingers were now very sharp. He said to the voice inside his head,
"ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!"
The voice responded in the same voice Socks used when he attacked Dino,
"Listen to me and I won't make you do anything. If you diso-"
The voice was cut off with Socks thinking about the good times with his friends. Before all of this. Socks focused on those memories until he felt his hand return to normal. He then resumed walking to the base.
Rewrite:
I took a deep, final breath, and started to maneuver my way towards the group base. I ducked and dodged through tree branches, bushes, and ferns, and trampled on wildflowers and grasses. I noticed I felt much more agile than before, being able to move quicker and gracefully. I had walked about twenty to thirty feet, and reached the lip of the forest where grass met sand and desert. As I walked into the grounded up grains of beige rock, I discovered footprints imprinted in the sand. They were headed in the same direction I was traveling, coincidentally leading into the same direction Dino went. They took the shape of a creature-like foot, and a shoe. I shifted my gaze up in front of me to see Blaza and Dino about fifteen yards ahead, starting to cross the bridge that had led to the base.
I should go to the base. Dino probably told Blaza anyways so that'll spread quickly.
I took a step, and then another, but my feet wouldn't step any further. It was like my feet were melted and hot glued to the earth beneath me. I tried to step again, to no avail. I tried to push off the ground, and it was as if some kind of uncanny force was pulling me back. It seemed like a game of tug-of-war, except I was the rope. That is when he heard a voice in my head. It felt like it was my conscience.
"Don't you dare step any further.. you aren't going anywhere!"
I stood there in shock for a moment, confused as to what was happening. With my best ability, I talked back at the voice in my head,
"Why not? They'll all find out soon enough! Especially if Dino is there.."
"No. This was supposed to be a secret thing.. not a tell-every-single-person-you-know thing."
"Well maybe if that last situation didn't happen-"
The voice stayed silent, but I felt liquid roll down my left cheek from my eye. I wiped it off with the back of my white-gloved hand, which now had a dark gray streak of what seemed like paint on it. It was the same substance I witnessed last night. Sticky and gooey, thick and black. I was half-expecting to be knocked unconscious and taken control of by the same force as before, but I wasn't. Though, I still heard the voices. They whispered around me, swirling and everywhere all at once. I got a sudden pinch in the middle of my chest, almost like I was being sliced in half. It then felt like I was being sewed up from the inside with a needle and smacked in the gut with some rocks. Though I felt all of this, it didn't hurt. A fleshy, sharp snake slithered smack-dead in the middle of my vision. It was somehow holding itself up and.. sprouting from my chest- what?!
I needed to take a few steps backward to catch myself, as I was slightly terrified. I was panicking, and stupidly tried to push the horizontal gash in my chest back together. It had what seemed to be three-inch long needle-teeth from either the top or bottom, and was practically a hole leading to a wall of blood-red tissue.
How am I alive..
I tried closing the second mouth again, just now noticing that my fingers had become sharp.
______________________
I'll add on later :p
YOU ARE READING
Random Crap that isn't art
Humorthis is rly just for the people in our yt group.. if you aren't part of it you won't rly get any of it.. that's the only thing. if you still want to read this that's fine. it'll probably just sound like alien talk. half the time it'll be that and...