Separation

[21]

*AUTHORS NOTE*

HI friends!! I have a few things before we get started!!

1) give me inline comments or i will cease to exist

2) i went back and i added some stuff to a few of the chapters. i added jordan to chapter 19 and 20. i added a smut scene in chapter 19. i added like three flashbacks to chapter one so you get to know them as younger characters.

3) i suggest going back and reading the changes from point number 2. just cause.

On with the chapter! This is a very long one. So enjoy (:

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Silent.

It was just...quiet.

The truck rumbled underneath us as we drove Jordan back to his dorm; all of us at a loss for words.

I didn't know that silence could feel like this; like a never-ending drop from a cliff. Like the air was slowly being drained of oxygen. Like a thousand cuts to the heart. Like my brain was replaced by a bee-hive.

I was on autopilot once Grey had parked the truck. I hopped out of the vehicle and made my way into the apartment. I immediately went to the kitchen, opened the cabinet that was under the sink, and grabbed my caddy of cleaning supplies.

I needed to turn everything off, or I was going to scream. I needed to preoccupy myself, or I was going to break down. Not so close to finals; I can't break so close to finals.

I filled up a bucket with hot water and threw a mix of cleaning supplies into the bucket. I dropped to my knees and started scrubbing every inch of the floor. I needed to find those footprints that they always track in here and clean those up.

"Baby doll..." Grey started, but I didn't look up from the floor. I just continued to scrub. I can't get sidetracked. I can't talk about what just happened.

I just can't.

The soapy water splashed back on my hands as I furiously scrubbed the floors. I was working pretty hard because it was hard to breathe as I continued to scrub.

Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.

Clean. Clean. Clean.

Scrub.

Scrub.

Scrub.

Hands entered my vision and they landed on my hands, making me stop. My sobs finally reached my ears as Ryker wrapped his arms around me, my tears soaking his shirt as he held me tightly. Grey pressed his chest to my back and wrapped his arms around us, squeezing us tighter.

I felt secure and safe in their arms. I felt grounded to the moment. I felt like no one could get to me, even if they tried with everything in their power. I was theirs, and they were mine. And we weren't going anywhere.

We stayed there, huddled together, until our legs went numb, yet we still stayed there; wrapped up in each other as if letting go meant we would all crumble. I was still slightly shaking when my tears dried. But they continued to hold me tightly in their arms.

They were here. They love me. They aren't going anywhere.

They were here. They love me. They aren't going anywhere.

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I haven't left the apartment for the last two weeks of the semester. Grey or Ryker couldn't be out of my sight for more than five minutes before I would start to panic. I ran out of my panic meds because I've been taking three every day in the hopes that it would work just like it did on Thanksgiving to no avail. Ryker had to call my doctor back home to get it refilled.