The Ashes of Marriage

Chapter 5

I met Bram in college and became infatuated with him. He was intelligent, joyful, and attractive. His mixed heritage of Canadian and African American made him look exotic, and his wide light brown eyes, caramel skin, and soft curly hair complimented his high cheekbones and firm chin. He was a divine specimen, and everyone admired him. Friends always surrounded him, and he was the life of the party. I was too shy to say a word to him but would look at him longingly from a distance.

Then at the end of our sophomore year, Bram's parents were involved in a fatal car accident. Bram took the news hard and Bram left school shortly after. Everyone sent him letters and care packages, and support on social media, but no replies or thank yous came from Bram. He was like a ghost, a memory from the past.

Beginning Junior year, Bram looked disparate. He was sullen and withdrawn and his eyes appeared deserted. I saw him sitting on the benches outside of the library one Fall Day and sat next to him. I don't know where the courage came from, but I surprised myself. When I settled next to him, he didn't even look my way. I sat there for a minute staring at my shoes before speaking.

"I know you don't know me, but my name is Ali, and I've heard about your parents and I'm sorry you are going through this." I said as I glanced over at him, and Bram continued to stare straight ahead. The wind shifted around us, and I took a deep breath and continued. "I lost my parents when I was young, and I sort of know what you are going through. That empty feeling, it will fade." A moment passed, then I stood up and walked away.

"When will it fade away?" Bram whispered after me. I turned around and locked eyes with him.

"To be honest, it fades every day. Slowly but surely, you wake up and it doesn't consume you. Then one day you wake up, it won't be the first thing on your mind." I said. Bram nodded his head as if he accepted this truth. I smiled and turned.

"What should I do in the meantime?" Bram called after me. When I turned back around, he was standing.

"Find something, even small things, to make you happy." Bram smiled at me. I suddenly noticed my surroundings. I felt as if people were looking at us and I felt exposed.

"At this moment, you are making me happy." Bram's scent was intoxicating, and my self-consciousness was suffocating, so I grabbed Bram's hand and dragged him toward my dorm building on campus.

He followed without a fight. We climbed 2 flights of stairs before arriving in my suite, and luckily, my suitemates were gone for the weekend, and the hall filled with music signaling the Friday night festivities had begun. I pulled him into the suite and turned on the light. All my hanging lights illuminated the room in a soft glow. Bram roamed around the room and read my posters, and as he made his way to my desk, he stopped at my collection of The Sims for PC.

"You play the Sims?" He asked, impressed. I nodded my head.

"I have every Sims ever made and all the expansion packs. I write codes, cheats, and mods and create all kinds of alternate realities. Would you like the see it?" I asked. Bram smiled and nodded his head. For the next few hours, we played the Sims, laughed, talked, and ordered pizza. I was having a great time and Bram seemed more like his old self. After the Sims, we discovered we both have a love for horror movies, especially Chucky, and I found the movie to stream on Amazon video and played it on the TV. We sat on the comfortable, but small futon with our thighs touching. About 20 minutes into the movie, I felt Bram watching me, and I glanced at him and smiled.

Then, in what felt like slow motion, he leaned over and kissed me. Soft at first, but then deeper, harder, and more forceful. I received the kiss with excitement and instantaneously placed my hand behind his head to bring him even closer. I felt his hand slide down my arm, and briefly land on my hip before he cupped my butt. He squeezed. I moaned and shoved my hands under his shirt as I explored his chest and arms while we feverishly made out. I pulled his shirt over his head as he did the same to mine followed by more making out. Straddling Bram's lap, I deepened the kiss. Bram moaned, and I felt his excitement rise on the inside of my right thigh.

"Ali..." Bram whispered breathlessly, and his eyes were glazed over. I was a hormonal mess, and I wanted where this make-out session was heading. I unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down his muscular thighs and took note the bulge in the pants was a full-blown tent in his boxers. I stood up and undid my pants and pulled them down, and then I crossed my arms across my chest for a little modesty. Bram grinned, and I pointed at the fishbowl of condoms placed on the mini fridge by my suitemates months ago. Bram grabbed one. He stood and pulled down his boxers. Bram looked even better than I imagined he would and walked towards me stark naked. He lowered my hands and undid my bra. Bram pulled down my panties and stood back up and assessed me, completely naked.

"No secrets between us now, so are you a virgin?" Bram said.

"No, are you?" I asked accusingly. He shook his head. Bram's face darkened.

"I'm using you to forget. That's not right." Bram said.

"You need me, and I need you right now. The reasons don't really matter." I told him.

When Bram laid me down that night, I felt his anguish in every stroke. I hurt for him. When we finished, he held me, breathing deeply. I heard his breathing change and knew he fell asleep. I soon followed and promised not to regret the night, no matter what happened in the morning.

When I woke up the following day, I rolled over to see Bram watching me sleep.

"You were right Ali. It fades a little every day." Bram grinned. "Ali you get me. I need you."

That was Bram. So forthcoming and direct.

"To be honest, I need you too, Bram."

We didn't know it then, but that need would become all-encompassing until the heat and the intensity would burn us deeper than we thought possible, lighting fire to our lives and consuming what made us good, only leaving the ashes.