The Ashes of Marriage

Chapter 17

I stare at my Hardee's cup full of sweet tea. Beads of condensation on the outside of the cup roll haphazardly down the side.

"Eat Ali," Bram says as he sits across from me, his food untouched. We went through the drive-thru and decided to eat at a nearby park for privacy. I feel my stomach growl and unwrap my burger. The smell of pickles hits my nose and my mouth waters, and I take a bite of the sandwich and moan. I look up to see Bram raise an eyebrow and smirk.

"It's delicious..."

"I can tell."

"I'm still mad Bram."

"I know."

A few moments passed. I hear the birds chirping in the tree overhead. I take another bite and savor the flavors. It's so good.

A few more moments pass. Finally, I muster the courage to ask Bram.

"Why Nadia?"

Bram plays with his ring and exhales. He looks up at me.

"Nadia was my best friend in high school, and we used to be so close. When she reached out to me, she said my Facebook posts seemed sad. We just talked like we used to, and it felt nice to laugh, joke, and just be free from..." Bram pauses and looks over at me before he continues, "From the cloud of depression that always seems to overshadow our house."

"But Nadia?"

"Why does it matter, Ali?"

"Because she was your first love, Bram. You gave your virginity to her. She was the only other woman you loved aside from me and if there was no me, then you would be with Nadia."

Bram's expression was blank. Then he furrows his brows.

"That's what you think? Seriously?" Bram chuckles. "Let's get the facts of this story straight first. Nadia was not my first love. Her best friend, Elizabeth, was. I was head over heels for Elizabeth throughout high school. I thought she was the real deal when it came to a church girl: pious, poised, and most important of all, not going to have sex before marriage. Back then, I believed I wanted the life my parents had: church on Sunday, bible study on Wednesdays, an obedient wife, and a respectful child. I thought as long as I picked a good wife, I would have a noble life and Elizabeth was church wife material. I loved her; my parents loved her. We dated on and off from freshman to the beginning of our senior year. Nadia was Elizabeth's friend, but she and I would still hang out when Elizabeth and I broke up. We got close, and she became the sister I never had."

Bram pauses and a flash of pain crosses his face.

"In October of senior year, Elizabeth was absent from school and neither I nor Nadia knew why. When I got home, Elizabeth was there with her parents to talk to my parents. They told my parents they needed me to do the right thing by Elizabeth since she was a good church-going girl. They did not want her to be labeled as anything less than perfect. I asked them what they were talking about, and they told me she was pregnant." Bram took a deep breath and exhaled before he continued. "I was devastated because I knew it wasn't mine. I told everyone in that room I was a virgin and would be happy to do the DNA test after the baby was born. Elizabeth knew the baby wasn't mine either but wouldn't admit to her parents who the baby's father was. I was hurt, angry, and shocked and, above all else, I felt like a fool. I didn't see Elizabeth again after that. It shocked Nadia when she heard it, too. She supported me through that situation, and we got a little too close and crossed that line and slept together."

Bram smiled a little.

"She may have been my first, but I was not hers. After we slept together, I got distant because at the time I needed a friend and not another love interest. I started sleeping around to turn her off me, but it didn't work. When we went to different colleges, the distance finally made us distant until we didn't talk. When my parents passed, she reached out, but I didn't respond."

Bram looked up from his hands at me.

"Yeah, I loved Nadia. In a way, I still do. She was my best friend and was there for me during a really hard time, and we had some significant memories together before we slept together. After we had sex, everything changed, and I knew I never loved her how she should have been loved. I still don't love her in that way. I thought I could have my friend back, but I realized she never could let us just be friends."

Bram took my hand.

"Ali, I fucked up. I honestly did and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you I am worthy of a second chance."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Bram, we are going to see Nadia. We have to." Bram looked confused. I sighed. "But not today. Trust me on this one. Give me your phone."

Bram quickly dug the phone out of his pocket and handed it to me. I opened a new message to Nadia and typed:

Nadia, we will have a moment to talk. Not today, though. Maybe next week we can meet for coffee. My wife would love to meet you.

I sent the message and returned the phone to Bram with the messages open so he could read what I sent.

Bram's look of confusion deepened. I rolled my eyes.

"Bram, I wasn't going to fight her, if that's what you were thinking. I kind of feel bad for her because I've been her. When I was in high school, I was head over heels for a friend of mine. I confessed my feelings for him, and he strung me along for a while until he found someone he was interested in and dropped me. He did this multiple times over a few years. Date someone, break up, calls me, use me, cast me away as soon as he found someone else. I would date around, but not seriously, hoping he would come back to me. Right before my freshman year of college, I summoned the strength I didn't think I had and just stopped answering his late-night calls and texts, and when I didn't return any calls and I made him a memory. I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge he didn't love me in the way I wanted or deserved to be loved."

"Did you ever speak to him again?" Bram asked.

"Yea, a few years later. He found me on Facebook. We reminisced about high school and good times. He told me he always wondered what happened to us, and I told him we grew up. A few years after that conversation, he invited me to his wedding."

"Did you go?" Bram asked

"We sure did." I laughed. "And we had a great time."

Bram laughed.

"Hell Bram, we put each other through the wringer."

"Such is life."

We both grew silent, but it was a comfortable silence.

"Well, since we have tabled this conflict to a later date, want to take a crack at opening the box?"

Bram smiled. "I thought you would never ask."