Behind The Lights (Montereal Series # 4)

BTL32

BTL32

I couldn't breathe.

It has been hours since I left that hotel room, but I still couldn't breathe properly. I don't know if it's those episodes or the words he told me earlier that kept repeating in my head.

He's still in love with me.

He wants me to stay.

He wants me to hold on.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the window. I told myself I wouldn't be easy to forgive and I will forever hold on to that. Hindi madali ang naging buhay ko. And most especially, I swore to myself that I will never be affiliated with Bradfords ever again.

The thing is, I know exactly what my heart is beating for right now.

Even after all those years, it's still him... god, how I wish it was that easy to erase his existence.

Hindi naman ako magiging apektado kung hindi pa rin siya. Alam ko ito sa sarili ko. This is not just a simple math problem na pag nakuha mo ang solusyon ay ayos na.

There is no solution to the emotions I feel for that one. One touch, my senses go crumbling... another word, I crave for his touches and kisses.

Hindi madali sa akin ang makita siya ulit. I want him to have a hard time. I want him to beg like how I begged to him.

And truthfully, hindi lang isang beses akong nagmakaawa sa kanya. The night he said those words to me... I remember begging for him to stay again the day after I saw him at the court during the trials.

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

I remember how I drove to his unit again... pounding on his door as I cried and forgot about how much it has consumed me.

Alam kong nangako ako sa kanya na hindi niya na ako makikita ulit pagkatapos non. But I was a fool... yes. Dahil nung mga panahon na 'yon, wala akong ibang inisip kundi siya. My heart breathes and lives for him. At sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon, hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pang isalba ang sarili ko sa kahihiyan.

From all the other times I begged, he finally opened the door for me. Looking into his emotionless eyes made me teared up. Pakiramdam ko, ubos na ubos na ako. Pakiramdam ko lahat na nagawa ko para maisalba ko pa ang sa aming dalawa.

"What are you doing here?" walang emosyon niyang sambit. "Hindi ba sinabi ko na? Akala ko ba nagkaintindihan na tayo?"

My lips trembled as I took a step forward. He looked at my hand before removing my hold.

"Cloud? Sino nandyan?" Rinig ko ang boses ni Clarisse.

I felt like my heart dropped hearing her voice.

Lumingon si Cloud bago binalik ang tingin sa akin. He went out and barely closed the door.

"No one," he answered. "Mag-order na kayo ni Storm. Don't think about the price. Kakausapin ko lang 'to."

No one. Is that all I am to him now?

"Okay!" Clarisse answered.

Tumingin ako sa mga mata niya. Walang pasabi niya akong hinila patungo sa garden. I felt my heart aching. Kung hawakan niya ako ay para bang hindi niya ako minahal. The way he talked to me, the way he looks at me... parang pakiramdam ko ako nalang ang kumakapit para sa aming dalawa.