Featherless Pain | 18+

~Chapter 10~

|Ｊａｃｋ    Ｍｉｃｈｅａｌ＇ｓ|

TW: Abuse, depression, domestic violence and mention of suicide 

Just as i was about to bend her over my knee, and imprinting my hands into that sensitive soft skin of hers, my dad called. 

The one and only, James Micheal's. He's been a wreck these past 5 years, since my mother passed away. He used to be fun to hang around with, at least in my early childhood memories. But as i grew older, him and my mother kept fighting more and more. At first he didn't really lay any hands on her, but eventually, and inevitable he did and when she weren't around to notice, he took out his anger on me. He stopped with the psychical damage when i grew into my body more, as i grew taller and gained some muscles on my bones. Scared bastard. 

He wasn't violent in general, sure, he was rough, and had a serious tone, but not violent. Or so i thought for a long time. After my mothers death, he blamed himself for everything, which some might say was the right thing to do. She never talked much about how she felt, and a divorce wasn't even in her mind. I tried to defend her as much as i could, but that didn't work out. Sometimes i wonder if she just wanted an escape? But she left me alone with him. 

Sadness is a strange feeling to feel, anger even more. When you're sad, everything feels numb, and you can only feel the aching pain in your chest, the overwhelming sting in your eyes as the tears start to form. But anger on the other hand, it makes you feel so hot and warm, like your blood is literally boiling from the core. That feeling you get when you can't control your limps and you don't feel any pain, just the adrenaline taking over. I guess I've learned to use my anger instead of the dreadful feeling of despair. 

But pity, that is the only feeling i feel towards my father, the drunk misery that crawls onto my door step. The lonely creep that tries to shove his regret and remorse into the deepest shallow inside his alcohol-infused heart. He lost his high-prestige job, his wife, and now his only son. For what? I don't even know nor do i care either. I have spent so many years growing up by hating this man to the depths of my burning core, that i can't feel anything but pity for this man. 

"heyyy.. Jack, my boyyy. My lovely son" His voice was mumbling and i could hear the faint hiccups between the words. My brows knitted together as i let out a deep sigh. I held the phone close to my ear and made my way over to the kitchen, not wanting Liv to overhear the awful things he might spit out. 

"What do you want James..?" I put in extra poison into his name, he wasn't worth the 'dad-title'  

"hey, heyy now. Is that reallyy a good way to- to speak to your precious father?" His voice was now shouting into the phone and i couldn't help but wince at the awful sound, as i held the phone away from my ear. I could hear how his fragile legs stumbled around on the pavement and dragging his shoes along the way. I never responded the man on the other side of the phone, i just waited for him to get to the point of his call.

"Son..? I miss Charlotte" His voice started to break and soon i could hear how his sobs started to break free. Somewhere in my chest, it ached for him. Knowing that he missed her just as much as i did. 

"I know.. I miss mum too" My voice was low and i tried to not let him hear the hurt in my voice. 

"Can i come see you my boy? it was so long since i saw you.." He spoke the words with regret lingering inside them, i knew he was feeling guilty, and at this moment, i couldn't say no to him, to the man that supposedly was my father.  

I told him that he could, just for old times sake's. And if i'm being completely honest, somewhere inside me hopes that he will snap out of it. Apologize even. I tried to shake the thoughts away, as i made my way back to Liv.