𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 | 𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

- 13 -

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as soon as those words left his mouth, i physically felt my heart shatter in a million pieces. i didn't know what i was supposed to say. he was just looking at me for a couple of seconds, maybe waiting for me to respond or to see what my reaction to his words were.

"what happened to the no pogue on pogue macking rule?" i said, my voice audibly breaking a little. i avoided looking him in the eyes, because we all know that once i did that i would break down crying and then my feelings for him would be revealed.

i mean, i guess there's the explanation on why kie was following him around like a lost puppy earlier when he stormed out of the chateau.

"what happened to me telling you that rafe's an ass, yet you still fucked him?" he threw right back at me, but his tone was much softer than it was before. i think he could tell that i was obviously hurt by what happened between him and kie.

no. this is not at all related to one another. "jj, i was high. and drunk. i blacked out for most of it, so i don't remember a thing that happened. all i know was waking up next to him. but, on the other hand, you knew what you were doing." my voice cracked, and i looked down at the ground, trying to keep the tears in my eyes from falling down. "and you still did it anyway."

before he got a chance to respond, i walked away from him, toward the dock by our boat. i just wanted to be alone right now.

i didn't want to deal with him anymore, and i certainly didn't want to talk to kiara either. i mean, i shouldn't be mad at her, because she had no idea that i had feelings for him. i don't think that any of the pogues did, honestly.

i got to the edge of the dock, and i sat down, my legs dangling off the dock. i looked around, my hair blowing in the breeze.

hold on. he had no idea that i was still at the party, let alone that i hooked up with rafe. yet he still fucked kie.

this had nothing to do with me. this didn't have to do with revenge on me screwing rafe, since he had no idea that it happened.

he did this willingly. he chose to do this.

i don't know why this felt so much worse than when he first told me that he hooked up with her, but it did. maybe it was because i now knew that he wanted to do it, and it had nothing to do with me.

talk about how self centered i am.

i felt a tear crawl down my face, and i quickly wiped it away with my sleeve. i heard footsteps coming from behind me, but i didn't bother looking at who it was. i just hoped it wasn't jj, since he already said everything that he needed to say to me.

"hey, y/n?" i heard someone call out, from a voice that was very different than jj's. a slight bit of relief slipped through me when i recognized the voice.

i turned my head around, seeing john b, and mustering out the best smile i could at this moment. he walked over to me, taking a seat beside me, dangling his legs out like me.

"i heard the argument you and jj had. are you okay?" he asked me, turning his head around to look at my side profile.

"yeah, i'm good." i paused for a moment. "so you heard everything he said?"

"basically." another couple moments of silence pass between us. i angle my eyes toward him, and i can see on his face that it looks like he's debating on saying something.

"what is it?" i asked, my face twisting up in confusion. does he know something about what happened yesterday between jj and kie?

"um... i think i should tell you something." he admitted.

"what?"

"you know how jj is with his secrets right?" you mean by him being super secretive about things and only telling certain people certain things? yeah, i do.

i nodded, meeting his eyes. "um yeah. so i think you should know something." he paused, looking like he was trying to figure out how to phrase this.

"jj and kie were here all night yesterday."

yeah, i figured that. they wouldn't go to kie's house, where her overprotective parents are.

"yeah, so? i think i already knew that.." i replied.

"y/n. they were with pope and i all night yesterday. we all went out on the boat til around like 11, and then kie drove back to her parent's house while jj passed out in his bedroom. i don't know what exactly he's trying to suggest to you, but nothing happened between them. it couldn't have, at least not last night. i just thought you should know." he concluded, before getting up and walking back up to the chateau to leave me alone.

what? kie and jj never hooked up last night? i'm almost certain that when jj was talking to me, he was talking about last night.

yeah. he said, 'while you were off fucking rafe, i was fucking kie.'

this doesn't make sense. why would he lie to me about this? did he know that it would hurt my feelings for something?

hold on, first of all, why would he even care enough to lie about fucking kie? like, is that the first thing that popped into his head when he found out what happened between rafe and i?

this is all so messed up. i ran my fingers through my hair, before getting up and walking back up to the chateau. for some reason, i felt that i wanted to play along with jj's lie. he doesn't need to know that i know that he was making this all up. at least not yet, he doesn't.

this is going to be fun.