Behind every mean girl...there's a tragedy

It's time

 "You're going to therapy and that's final," shouts mom as she pops her head inside my room then closes the door before I have a chance to digest what she said.

Therapy? Why do I need to go to therapy for? I'm perfectly fine.

"You knew this day was coming," Sarah says.

"I didn't think it was going to happen so fast." I got up the bed with difficulties. With my crutches' help, I walk over to the bathroom right across my room. I wash my face with my one good arm then stare at my reflection in the mirror.

There are large bags under my eyes with a few black spots on my cheek bones, and stitches lining the bottom corner of my lips. My dark hair resembles the one of someone who's been ruffling around in dirt. "Maybe I can get her to change her mind," I say as I absentmindedly brushed my tangled hair.

"You can try but I hardly think it would work." Kenny laughs, "It's not like you can ever do anything right. You can't even die right for God's sake."

"Kenny be nice," Sarah rebukes her. "Besides, Rachel knows what to do."

I do?

She laughs her melodic laugh that always seem to make me melt into a puddle, "Of course you do."

"I'm not going to kill myself, Sarah," I tell her without flinching but I can't help the slight acceleration in my heartbeat.

"Don't be selfish, Rachel." Her voice regains the usual spitefulness she possesses when she's convincing me to hurt myself. "There are more at stake than just your pathetic little life."

"No, there are not."

"What are we now? Don't you think you're putting us in danger by letting other people poke into your mind?" Kenny adds.

"You guys are not real." I smash the mirror with the brush. "Stop messing with my head."

A knock in the door makes me quickly dry the tears that had started to drift down my face. "Rachel, are you okay in there?" My mom calls out.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute," I reply while doing my best effort to keep my voice from cracking.

"Are you sure, honey? Open the door, maybe I can help."

"I said I'm fine," I shout. I begin to awkwardly clean the counter from all pieces of glass.

"Okay, just call me if you need anything." She moves away.

"Did that sounds like someone who actually cares?" Kenny starts. "The woman obviously couldn't wait to get away from a freak like you."

"I'm not a freak," I defend but my mind is mainly focus on the fresh cut on my palm. Now, both of my hands are damaged.

"Yes, you are and by your own definition. Only freaks talk to imaginary people. So, if you keep saying we're not real, remember you're only insulting yourself."

After another piece of glass slices through my skin, I give up cleaning the mess. I grab my crutches and leave the bathroom with a broken mirror and pieces of glass everywhere.

"I understand your reluctance, Rachel" Sarah says as I lie back down on the bed. "You want to believe that they care. You're only human so it's perfectly normal for you to keep making excuses for them. You can't deal with the fact that you no longer have meaning in the world. Let me remind you that you're only fooling yourself. The woman has moved on from you. Stop hurting yourself by loving people who are not willing to love you back."

I change to a fetus position and begin to rock back and forth to keep myself from crying out loud.

"She's pregnant, Rachel. Have you forgotten that fact? She has already replaced your father with Steven. What's keeping her from replacing you with the new child? Nothing."

"I wonder what that therapist will say when she realizes that her patient is a complete nut job," Kenny puts her two cents in. "Do you think she'll be gentle with you? I don't think she will. I think she's just going to lock you away from everyone you ever knew. You're going to end up just another crazy person."

"What do you guys want from me?" I sob, "I've done everything you asked."

"No, you haven't. You're still alive, wasting everybody's time."

"I know you may not see it now," Sarah's motherly tone returns, "but someday you'll understand that we only want what's best for you. I hate to see you crying every day like this. I hate to see you hurt. You're like a daughter to me, Rachel. Nobody wants to see their kids as miserable as you are. We're not telling you to end your life to hurt you but we're doing it to save you because we love you so much."

I sob harder into the pillow. My hand throbs at the awkward position it's in. I can't help to think that no matter how cruel and demented Sarah and Kenny have come up to be, their words still retain an element of truth. I've seeing how my mom acts. She's living for Steven and only for him. If she threw my dad aside so easily, who says she's not going to do the same to me?

"What do you say, Honey?"

"I don't want to keep doing this anymore."

"I know, darling. I know you more than you think. Therapy is going to make it worse not better. They don't understand you like I do, they can't. You have to trust that I know what's best for you."

"God, Sarah, stop talking to her like she has a choice," Kenny says, breaking the tender moment. "She needs to quit being a bitch and die already because that's the only way out."

"Kenny!" Sarah shouts, causing me to wince. I gently massage my temple to diminish the growing headache but they're making it worse by arguing.

"Guys, not now."

"Yes, now." Kenny snaps, "You have to stop holding on to mommy dearest. She doesn't love you, get that through your thick skull. Nobody loves you. Not mommy, definitely not daddy after the stunt you pulled last month, and not that Brandon idiot you used to call friend. None of them want you. Why on earth would they want someone who can't ever seem to say one good thing about anyone? Do us all a favor and end it now before they all find out all exactly how mess up you are."

The tears fall louder now, she's right but I don't want to hear it. I don't want to think about all of the dark secrets that are waiting to be discovered under my façade. I'm not ready for it.

"Go away," I tell them.

"Rachel, come one. She didn't mean it." Sarah attempts to quench the fire burgeoning inside of me.

"I don't care, just go" I cry.

"Rach..."

That's when I start to scream. I scream as if my life depends on it, as if that one scream is going to make all of my worries vanish.

The door opens and a warm pair of arms wrap around me as I rock back and forth on the bed.

"Don't worry honey, I'm here." My mom hushes, "I'm here."

I struggle against her but she doesn't let go. I eventually shrink into her gentle embrace as I continue to cry.

I don't want people to know the real me. I don't want somebody to rip the veil away from my face. It's pure misery under it but at least I'm safe. I'm not ready for what's going to come once the truth is out. Are they all going to hate me more than they already have? Maybe it's time for me to find out even if that means losing my own self forever.