Behind every mean girl...there's a tragedy

Paying amends

Looking at my dad right now, I wonder how I ever could handle to push him away. Why would I ever not want such an amazing human being in my life?

Sitting in our living room with my dad, Jenny, Brandon, and his parents, I can feel my blessings. Everyone I love is with me. Even after I took all of them for granted. They couldn't wait to be granted access back to my heart.

Mr. Matthews and my dad share a hug of forgiveness. Two best friends reuniting, I can't believe there's any greater joy in the world.

When dad invited the Matthews over for dinner, I expected a few punches to be thrown but none happened. That's not entirely true, there were a few curse words, name calling, and glasses breaking. I think someone stubbed their toe in the coffee table. However, what I do know is that oceans of tears fell. I have never seen any men cry so hard especially African Americans who are known to pronounce themselves strong and indestructible.

When everything is done, when I'm sure that there would be no more breakouts, I climb on top of my dad and sit on his lap. It's a special kind of feeling for a girl to be in her father's arms. I feel so protected and loved, as if nothing can hurt me. I feel as if I can touch the sky and proclaim myself queen of the world. With his chin on my hair, no secrets could get beneath us. Now, I understand what Cassie meant when she said she wanted to do everything with her dad. It's like there are no spaces between us, no secrets, just plain old fashion love.

Oh God Cassie!

I lurch myself off of my dad's lap. I can't believe I forgot about her. She's the only person who has never been in this mess in the first place. She never hurt me. Everything she did was to make me happy. I gave her nothing but pain while she gave me everything that's good – the love I was lacking from everyone else, the friendship I was deprived of for so long, and a shoulder to lean on.

I have to apologize. I have to ask for her forgiveness but am I worthy of it? Should I be allowed to be forgiven when I wouldn't...couldn't allow the same courtesy to Darwin?

"Baby girl, where're you going?" Dad asks.

I haven't realize anyone was talking until now. They're all staring at me.

"I have to see a friend."

"Another one?" Jenny teases. "Wow, I'm seeing a whole other side of you, Rachel Jackson."

"We, Jacksons, have many sides we keep hidden from outsiders," Dad winks at her.

"The rest of us are better off with most of them hidden," Mr. Matthews joke.

"I'll see you guys later," I shout as I walk out the door.

"Don't stay too long, you still have homework to do. Remember you're going back to school tomorrow," dad shouts back.

I groan internally. I've been begging for so long but I still have to suffer another whole year at that school. It's going to be so hard walking in that school with everyone's stare at me and their mouth running all types of gossips about me. Most of them won't be true but their purpose is not to spread the truth but to hurt the subject. I know this because I used to be one of them. I used to be the main gossip girl in school – destroying the reputation of anyone I didn't like or who happened to cross my path.

"Rae, wait up." I see Brandon running out of the apartment, coming my way.

"I really have to this by myself, Brandon," I say as soon as he stops beside me, waiting for the elevator.

"I know."

"Where are you going then?" I ask when he doesn't make a move to go.

"I don't know. I'm just following you," he smiles.