The Secrets We Hide (VERY OLD)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Ketsuki POV DEcember 11th

Revisiting AN Old Friend

I smiled down at the grave in front of me. An acoustic guitar sat beside me. It was colored a light orange with detailed Marigold flowers painted on the bottom with the word Aro along the neck with a Arrow going through the letters.

The grave was a polished marvel with the words,

ARROW WIND

2010 January 1st - 2024 March 23rd

Beloved Boyfriend,

Son,

Friend,

And Songwriter.

"Died Young."

My hands they shake with Sorrow,

My heart it bleeds with pain,

My soul Forever Lingers,

Wishing you could have stayed

My love is broken

And so are you

I set down a large pot full of Marigolds and a few orange roses.

I carefully picked up the guitar, strumming the chords and adjusting them as needed. Once tuned correctly I carefully set the marigolds in front of me with a smile. I grabbed a small slip of paper from my pocket, I had written it a few days after he had died.

Hung pictures of patron saints up on my wall

To remind me that I am a fool.

Tell me where I came from, what I will always be,

Just a spoiled little kid, who went to Catholic school.

When I am dead I won't join their ranks.

'Cause they are both holy and free.

And I'm in Ohio, satanic and chained up.

And until the end, that's how it'll be.

I said make me love myself so that I might love you.

Don't make me a liar, 'cause I swear to god,

When I said it I thought it was true.

Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you.

But he's got his own things to deal with.

There's really just one thing that we have in common,

Neither of us will be missed.

Saint Bernard sits at the top of the driveway.

You always said how you loved dogs.

I don't know if I count,

But I'm trying my best,

When I'm howling and barking these songs.

   Tears silently rolled down my eyes as the street lights turned on and the stars showed in the sky.

"I love you, Arrow."

   I held the copy of my dairy in my hands, Arrow had made it just in case and kept it hidden in this car. He always said that duplicates of memory's are good to have, whether they are good or bad. I smiled at the thought yet it was a memory. And I could never go back.

I opened it, skipping to the 25th entry and slowly making my way by 5s to the 5th one

Entry 25, Pills In The Bottle :)

Overdose. That's the last way. They can't save me, I don't have to kill.

I'll be free.

Free.

I don't have to be here.

I can't wait.

So many pills, so many painkillers

Blissful.

Free.

Entry 20, Train

I know the train is coming.

I've seen and heard it many times before.

The squeaking of the tracks, The loud ringing in your ears, None really think of what people hear before their last dying breath under the train tracks.

All I know, Is I'll be free.

Entry 15, Drowning

The water was cool tonight, It was slightly flooded and clear.

No threatening animals, only fish.

An easy yet calm way to die.

It's like dying around a family you can never have.

Entry 10, Bleed

It didn't work.

So try something more extreme.

Bleed more.

Something easy and painful.

Angels have scars, right?

Entry 5, Rope

Goodbye.

         -Ket

I wasn't upset about it. I wasn't sad about it. I wasn't happy about it.

It was all wrong to wish that it all ended at 5. It was wrong knowing that if I did I would see Arrow in Heaven, it would've been worth it.

But is there something beyond death?

I didn't know.

I set down the book not wanting to be taken back by the memories of each attempt and put it back where he had hidden it all those years ago.

It's not always best to look at your past.

I leaned back in the car seat, resting my eyes and relaxing my body. It was pointless to drive or try to stay awake so I let sleep overcome me.