The Secrets We Hide (VERY OLD)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Hikari's POV DEcember 10th

Regret

   How could I have let that happen? I was back in my room, sitting on my bed, curled up in a ball with my hands on top of my head, tangled in my hair. My back up against the bed frame, and my eyes focused on the boring, Characterless, plain wall ahead of me. My head is trying to kill me. I keep thinking of the sight I had seen earlier. My principal, a seemingly innocent soul, is gone. He was dead because I was too much of a coward to stop them. He was dead because I believed that they wouldn't kill him. He was dead because I didn't know how to save others. Isn't that why everyone I've loved in this life has died? It's my fault. My fault for everything. I threw the blanket on top of myself and curled up in a ball on my side, hiding from the world, leaving me and my thoughts alone. I forced my eyes shut and tried to fall asleep, even though I wasn't tired at all.

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   I sat there for a couple of minutes, trying to fall asleep, but the minutes turned into hours, and I still wasn't tired. I sat up in bed because I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. I checked the time on my phone, 4:23 a.m. I moved to the edge of the bed and sat up. I got up and walked outside of my room to grab something.

  I was back in my room, sitting on the chair by my desk, with a bundle of rope in my hand. I had found it in a drawer in a random room. I remembered seeing it one time when I was snooping. It looked like it'd be enough to get the job done. There was a hook that was in the ceiling that looked strong and sturdy, so hopefully, it can support 190 something lbs. I took the rope and stood on the chair to measure where I needed to tie the knot. I tied the noose and made sure that it was tight. I made a smaller loop knot at the top of the rope and Slipped it onto the hook. I stood on the chair, with the noose in my hands. I guess I am weak. This must be what it's like to give in to all those thoughts. I've wanted to do this for some time now. I was about to stick my head into the noose knot when I heard someone start to unlock the door. I quickly turned my head to the door and watched as Ketsueki walked in.

"Hey kid, I-"

He stopped what he was saying immediately and stared at me with a look that made me want to cry.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted at me.

Fun fact, I am really sensitive to yelling, so I burst out crying immediately.

"Get down, Please! Come, sit down, we can talk about this. Please take your head out of the rope!" He said to me as he started walking over to my bed, sitting down on the edge of it.

I let go of the rope and wiped the tears off my face. I stepped off of the chair and walked over to the bed to sit next to him.

"Why were you going to attempt?" He asked me, not looking at me at all.

"I-"

I started to hesitate for a bit.

"It's alright, take your time."

I started to cry a little bit more after hearing his suddenly softer voice. It sounded much more kind and welcoming than his normal voice did.

"I hate myself. Everything in this life is so hard. I hate myself for not being able to save him. My principal is dead because of me. A seemingly innocent soul has lost their life because of how much of a coward I am. Every time I close my eyes, I see his lifeless body on the floor, with a puddle of blood slowly forming around him. I get the same feeling of fear, shame, disgust, and guilt that I had felt then inside my chest. I hate how this world is. It's so hard. Trying to forget but remembering instead. Blaming yourself for everything and forgiving everyone no matter what they did to the people you love or yourself. It's my fault that everyone I've ever loved has vanished off the face of this Earth. I'm not one to live for revenge, so the pain of my losses piles into mountains inside of me. I'm too scared to make new friends and build new bonds because I fear that I will lose them too. I've had no one to support me for years. I hate everything and everyone. I'm the reason why everyone around me is either hurting or dead. Nobody would care if I just disappeared. So why don't I just do it? Does anyone even need me? If I serve a purpose in this world, why haven't I figured out what it is yet? Would anyone care if I just died in a ditch somewhere? My little sister went missing because I wasn't paying attention to her at a store. My parents kicked me out of the house because they were ashamed to have a gay son. They later were robbed and killed because I wasn't there to protect them. My best friend left this world because I wasn't there for him when he needed me. It's all my fault, everything is." I said, revealing everything I had been hiding from everyone for years.