Not A Fairytale

Chapter 1 (Her POV)

"Ma'am , are we going to take his life support?" tanong ng doctor uli sa kin.

"Yes please." Pero ngayon, nag-iba na ang sagot ko.

8 years have passed since I have made the biggest decision of my life to finally decide to take his life support which was the only reason that he was with me at that time but it also have been haunting me the entire time.

Ilang buwan siyang naging coma noon and seeing how in pain he was, made me feel that I was the only one who was forcing him to stay.

"Inamorata, kailangan ko ng umalis. It's time to let go." Those were the exact words that he said in my dream which made me give up and come up with that decision kahit gaano kasakit para sakin yun ay ginawa ko. Akala ko na makakayanan ko ang sakit ng pagalis niya. Akala ko na sa sobrang pinagdaanan ko sa buhay ay makaya ko ng mabuhay na wala siya but I have never been more wrong in my entire life. Sabi nga nila: "Nasa huli ang pagsisisi." Pero wala parin nagagawa ang pagsisisi kong ito, instead I just made my life a whole more miserable than it already is.

Napatigil ako nung may narinig akong kumatok sa aking pintuan.

"Moira..Moira..gising ka ba?" pamilyar na boses ito. I think it's my sister, Faith.

"Yeah. What is it?" sabi ko habang nakaupo pa rin dito sa kama ko with a bag of chips in my hand habang nakatingin sa TV screen sa harap ko. I'm watching A Walk to Remember.

"Pwede bang pumasok?" napaungol ako sa aking isipan. Ayoko ko kasing magpapasok dito sa kwarto ko kasi ito ang aking haven or comfort zone and I don't want anyone to be invading that, not even my own sister.

"Importante ba yang pag-uusapan natin?" Kung hindi naman urgent then there's no point in talking.

"Oo. Tungkol kay Jenny to. So can I come in?" Jenny? She was one of my best friends since I came out.

"Wag na. Lalabas ako." I paused the movie. Left my food on my bed and made my way towards the door.

"O my god, Moira! What happened to you?" Kaya nga ayokong lumabas at magpakita sa kahit sino kasi alam kong marereact silang ganito.

"So what, if I earned some pounds? Problema ba yun?" Call me rude, maldita or whatever, I don't care.

"Bu—"

"If you're just going to comment about my weight then I believe this conversation is over." I can't blame her for reacting like this kasi ang payatot na si Moira ay daig pa ang inang baboy sa laki pero hindi ibig sabihin nun ay ayos lang sa kin ang pag-usapan naming ang tungkol dito.

"Okay, I'll stop. Nagulat mo lang kasi ako. You haven't got out of that room since..." Alam kong, hindi niya kayang ipatuloy ay sasabihin for she knows how much I hate having other people remind me of him.

"Pwede bang sabihin mo nalang sa kin ay pakay mo?" I crossed my arms as I lean by the door of my room.

"Okay. Okay." Tumango ito and I saw her, getting something in her bag which I just noticed now.

"Here." She handed me a square shaped cream colored envelope.

"Ano to?" tanong ko as I got the envelope from her hand.

"Basahin mo nalang."

I looked at it's front and there was an engraved MOIRA on the center of it and it was on black cursive text so I opened it. There was another square shaped cream colored paper and it had a flowery background plus it had a rosy scent.

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Jack & Jenny. Your attendance will be the greatest gift. Hoping to see you at the Manila Cathedral on the June 18 @ 8: 00 AM."

Yan lang ang nakasulat sa papel and it was also in cursive.

"Wedding? I ca—"

"Moira, she's your bestfriend." She cut me off but I hate to admit that my sister has a point but I've always had a fear of weddings. I just can't. Heck, I don't think that I can. Too much memories come with such an occasion. Masasaktan lang ako lalo.

"Per—"

"At least, give it some thought first. Pag-isipan mong mabuti. I know that it still hurts after all these years pero Moira, hanggan kailan ka magtatago? Don't you think that 8 years was enough for you to move on?"

"Just leave me alone. Wala kang alam." I said with pure anguish in my system. Kung makasalita siya, it's as if ang dali lang gawin. If it were that easy, didn't she ever think that I would have already move on? Pero hindi eh, ang hirap hirap. Ang sakit sakit pa rin at hindi ibig sabihin na kahit nakakatandang kapatid ko siya ay alam na niya ang lahat and that she could act as if forgetting someone who gave you all the memories to be remembered is easy.

"Moi—" Hindi ko na siya pinakinggan. I shut the door to her face. Ayoko nang marinig pa ang mga advices nila or whatever. I had enough of their so-called care and concern for me kasi kahit noon pa ay hindi naman nila binigay ito when I needed it the most.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say that her words sure hit home. May punto siya, that I could credit her for pero kung sana kompyuter lang ang isipan ko na ang bilis lang idelete ng mga files or my memories at that, then I would have done it already. Pero hindi eh. Tao lang ako. Nagmahal at nasaktan.

Ugh. Whatever. Binaling ko nalang ang pansin ko dito sa palabas. I played it again as I sit on the floor to watch it carefully.

"Are you scared?"

"Of death?" ngumiti siya then she said : "Lighten up." As she gets close to put and touch his face.

"It's not funny."

Sumeryoso ang mukha ni Jaimee and put their foreheads against each other.

Tears welled up her face as she says: "I'm scared of not being with you."

"That will never happen." Landon says then they hug each other.

Tinigil ko na ang palabas. Turned the TV off and went straight to my bed as I wrap myself in my sheets like a cocoon.

"I'm scared of not being with you."

"I'm scared of not being with you."

"I'm scared of not being with you."

"I'm scared of not being with you."

"I'm scared of not being with you."

Pabalik-balik sa kin ang sinabi ni Jaimee kay Landon kasi that's exactly how I feel ever since he left.

Unlike Jaimee's case na maysakit siya and they know that it was inevitable that they would part, mines was different. Ginago ako ng tadhana.

All my life, I've always been alone. Mag-isa palagi kaya nung dumating siya sa buhay ko, nagiba na ang ikot nito. My world which was dark and lifeless became the epitome of paradise instead pero wala ngang forever kasi hindi pa nga kami ganun katagal ay kinuha siya sa kin when I least expected it and when he left ay parang namatay na rin ako.

My life had no sense again. I did attempt to kill myself pero wala eh, I'm destined to live a life where all I could ever do is regret, be washed over in sorrow and full of pain.

"Moira, can you hear me? Are you there? Well, voicemail naman to but I just want to say that I hope you can come to my wedding but if you really can't, at least naman magpakita ka sa kin. Bestie, miss na miss kita. Call me anytime when you get this message." Kahit matagal na kaming hindi nagkita ni Jenny, I still could recognize her voice.

Miss na din kita. Pero sorry, bestie kasi mas miss ko siya.