Moon Knightress: Journey of Self

Bloody Hell

No.

NO.

FUCK!

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Yet here I am, once again open gong my eyes to a fucking hospital room. This wasn't supposed to happen.

I realize I'm restrained. Good. Give me the lethal injection. Something. Get me out of this hellhole of one torture after the other.

I'm a murderer, no better than Sean, get me out of the fucking hospital and into the electric chair. Just let me fucking die.

This is what I'm thinking as I refuse to make eye contact with my parents. Or should I say assault victims.

This is what I'm thinking as a doctor comes in and attempts to take off my restraints.

"No." That is the only word I'll say. Let them deem me mentally unstable. Put me in a psych ward as long as it keeps me away from him. As long as I don't hurt the people I love again.

"Hey y/n." Steven says trying to be comforting. "You're gonna be alright. Yeah? Your gonna be aces." I look up at him, still refusing to make eye contact.

They should've left me to die.

Layla comes in with a tray of food, since I refuse to have my restraints removed she attempts to feed me, she should just let me starve.

I'm a mess, a 16 year old murderer, who won't talk, and refuses to feed herself? What the fuck.

I feel like I'm out of my body again, this time watching from the ceiling as Layla attempts to give me plain milk through a straw, who the fuck likes plain white milk?

I kind of fly to the other side of the room and wish I hadn't, my hair is greasy, full of split ends, and matted, my eyes are dark and sunken in, the bags under my eyes take up half of my cheeks. I look like I'm straight out of a Tim Burton Movie.

I'm back in my body as I see Layla's sadness at my refusal, just to make her happier I take a few sips of the milk. I notice a small smile spread across her lips.

After a bit Layla gives up, and a doctor comes in, they all kind of huddle and talk in hushed voices.

I can just make out the words "PTSD" "Derealization" and "coping" come from the doctor.

If their not going to kill me, at least let me go home so I can do it myself. I think this while ignoring Khonsu trying to remind me of the day at the river, and ignoring the X-ray of broken ribs with a little (first initial) Spector in the corner.

I can almost picture Sean's face if he were here. If he saw me helpless and restrained. If he saw me as the animal he treated me as. The animal I was starting to see myself as.

"Y/n!" Khonsu's voice booms, shaking me out of the spiral I put myself in.

"I wanna go home." I whisper it so softly I'm sure I'm the only one that heard it.

"I'm sorry y/n." Marc gives me a sympathetic look.

"No. I wanna go home." I'm close to yelling now and freaking out. I'm sure I look like Marc in the Duat. "I WANNA GO HOME. I WANNA GO HOME!" Tears are spilling out of my eyes as I pull against the restraints.

I can't focus on anything. I can't breathe. All I can do is cry and yell.

I don't even know what classified as home now. Their new apartment? Their apartments back in London? Our old place here? Our old place back in Chicago?

"Y/n. We'll get you home." I hear Jake say as one of the restraints start to loosen. I look up at him, a concerned look is plastered across his face.

The second I'm completely free I say what is probably the longest complete sentence I've said since waking up.