a million times over again

ch.3

Pov. Peter
I wake up to someone knocking on the bedroom door. I get up and open the door and see Mr.rogers holding a plate of food.

"morning kid, I brought you breakfast, I wasn't sure if you wanted to eat in your room or come out to the dining hall." He says.

"I'll go eat in the dining hall," I say, taking the plate and following him to where everyone else is eating. "hello peter," Wanda says, acting as if nothing happened. I wave at her and sit down at the only open seat, between Natasha and thor

Everyone continues with their conversations, all of them about different topics. Steve, bucky, and Mr.stark are talking about music, nat and Wanda are talking about changing their hair, and thor and Loki are talking about food.

I don't say anything and just stare down at my plate, barely eating anything before I give up on trying to eat. I start tuning out everyone's conversations.

No one talks to me much during breakfast.

After breakfast, almost everyone wandered off to do their own thing. Thor, Loki, Natasha, and Steve all give me a seemingly half-hearted "call if you need anything" before they leave. "if you need me, or just don't want to be alone, I'll be in the lab, okay kiddo?" Mr.stark says. I nod and he wanders off to the lab.

"Peter, you barely ate. Do you want me to make you something else?" Bucky says, looking at my plate. "hm? Oh, um... no thank you, I'm full." I lie. Bucky sighs.

"Okay, if you get hungry I'll make you something." He says, picking up my plate and putting my leftovers in a Tupperware container.

"your in charge today, what do you want to do?" He asks. "I don't know, I kinda just want to curl up and pretend I don't exist." I say half-jokingly. "that's what grief does to you. you know how you fight that?" he says, I shake my head, "you survive, you live, you keep going. do the things that make you happy, even if they don't make you happy right now, you'll be happy again eventually." he says. 

"I guess so, you probably know more than I do I mean -- wait no! I didn't mean that! I just meant because you're older--" I don't realize how my words sound until I say them.  bucky laughs a little bit to himself "no, no, I know what you meant. either way, you are right. which is why I think it's best to try and do something, at least one thing today instead of being alone all day." he says. 

"wait, didn't I have school today?" I ask. it's a Thursday, I should still have school. "technically yes, but we weren't sure if you were well enough to go." he says. "you're probably right, but I should maybe text ned and MJ, they're probably worried." I say, getting up from the table.

"go do that kiddo, I'll wait here." bucky says. I go to the room I'm staying in and unplug my phone. I open my phone and see missed texts and missed calls from ned as well as a few texts from MJ. 

MJ: dude where are class starts in like 3 mins

ned: peter where are you?

ned: dude seriously where are you?????

ned: peter??

MJ: ur late 4 class, u good?

ned: if you don't answer or show up soon I'm just calling you

MJ: dude ned is freaking out 

ned: 3 missed calls

uh oh. I text them back in the group chat. I won't be there today, do you think we could hang out somewhere after school?  I hit send and they both respond almost immediately.

ned: oh thank god you're okay

MJ: if ur sick I don't want to catch it 

Me: I'm not sick, there's some personal stuff going on rn, I'll tell you guys after school.

MJ: Oh, well you can always talk to us, if you want I could come to visit you, I know the way to ur appt. and this class is pretty boring. 

me: no, I'm not at the appt. anymore, I'm staying with my boss :/

ned: your boss as in tony stark?????

MJ: shit peter what happened? is everything okay?

me: I wouldn't call it okay, but I mean I'm doing the best I can given the circumstances. I'll tell you guys after school. 

ned: we can meet at my place, my mom has been complaining she doesn't see you two enough lol

I close the group chat and decide to get dressed while I'm here. I dig through my suitcase and pull out a pair of jeans, a sweater, and converse. I take a second and just t=stare at my backpack, I'm tempted to take out my blades and -- no, no I can't think like that, people need me, even if they don't know who I am. 

I walk back to the dining hall and see bucky sitting next to Loki. I walk over and sit across from both of them. "hello peter, are you feeling alright?" Loki asks. I nod "about as alright as I can be, I think I might try to just take my mind off of it, you know?" I respond. "well, if that's the case, I'll help in any way I can." Loki smiles at me. surprisingly for how cold he is he has a very warm smile. 

"ты уверен, что доверяешь ему?" bucky asks. "да, я ему доверяю, у меня нет причин не." i respond. "если он даст тебе повод не доверять ему, скажи мне. bucky says.

"oh, um I do want to ask mr.stark if I can go meet some friends after school gets out, just so I can tell them what happened." I say.

"well I believe he's in the lab, if you'd like to ask him now." Loki says. "yeah, will you go with me though, I don't think the elevators will work for me unless I'm on the clock." I joke.

"they certaily will but, yes I'll go with you." Loki says, standing up from the table. We both take the elevator down to the lab.

"heya kiddo, what's up? Loki," Mr. stark greets us both. I immediately get overwhelmed with how loud the lab is. "I um... I --" I trip over my words and look down at my feet.

"Peter wanted to ask if he could go over to a friends house after school gets out" loki says for me. I look up at Mr.stark.

"of course you can kiddo, just let me know and I'd be glad to drive you over" Mr.stark says, putting down his tools for a moment.

"oh, you don't have to. I can take the subway so its no trouble" I respond. "well, it would be no problem at all for me to drive you. But, if you want to take the subway I won't stop you" mr.stark says.

"I'll take the subway, thank you Mr.stark!" I say, turning around and stepping back into the elevator. Loki follows me.

We both walk back into the dinning hall. "what time is it?" I ask bucky. "about 10:30, why?" He asks. "I think I might take a nap before school gets out" I say.

Bucky nods and I go back to the room I'm staying in and change into some pj pants before crawling into my bed and putting in my earbuds before I drift off to sleep.

 the Russian translations "are you sure you trust him?" bucky asks "yes, I trust him, I have no reason not to" I respond. "if he gives you a reason not to trust him, tell me." bucky says

A/n sorry this one took so long! I ddint think anyone would care about this story, but hey, people asked for an update!

I also unfortunately lost my uncle in April, so that also caused a break in writting. I honestly forgot how good of a release writting is for me. I'm glad to be back :)