a million times over again

ch.12

"What happened to your arm?" he asks.

uh oh.

"what do you mean?" i say, trying not to get defensive. "you've got blood on your sleeve, here wait," loki says, getting up and leaving the room for a moment. i can feel myself start to panic, what if they tell everyone else? what if they find out I'm weak? what if they stop talking to me or start to pity me or --

"here, you can wear this for the day so that one doesn't stain." loki says as he walks back into the room. he hands me a black zip up hoodie with white strings. "oh, are you sure? i mean i don't want to mess up your hoodie" i say.

"nonsense, it's a black hoodie, clothes can be washed. white clothes will stain. also you should probably let me help you with whatever happened." he says casually. how is he being so casual about this? "no, really it's okay, i'dd deal with it later." i say.

"peter, you're still bleeding, i can see it getting bigger, you need to bandage whatever it is that's making you bleed." he says, walking over to me and grabbing my hand. he lifts my hand up and pulls up my sleeves. i don't fight it, i just let it happen.

"oh peter, is this-- why didn't you tell me, or stark, or barnes? someone who can help?" he asks, his voice sounds sad but not panicked. "i did tell bucky last time it happened. i just couldn't get the courage to tell anyone this time, i don't know why i just couldn't." i say, feeling the tears start to sting in my eyes.

loki sighs and leaves the room again. he's barely gone for a minute. they come back with a small box. he puts the box next to me and opens it up. he pulls out a single use wipe and gently holds my hand so my scars are facing up.

"this may sting." he says. i clench my jaw and he wipes the beads of blood off my arm. it stings, but it's not as bad as i expected it to be. he takes out fresh clean gauze and wraps my arm and puts a piece of tape over the edge of the bandage.

"there, that should help. peter you --" loki starts. "i need to quit, i know. i was, and i was doing so well until all of this happened, i finally had everything under control and then everything fell apart." i can't hold back the tears, i can feel hot tears streak down my face. i try to wipe them but it doesn't help, they just keep on coming.

Loki silently wraps his arms around me and places his hand on the back of my head. "I was going to say you need to bandage them properly but, yes you also need to quit. I'm sure being told that over and over doesn't help much." He whispers.

He lets go and I keep trying to wipe tears from my face. "Peter, don't cry, its okay darling." Loki says as he wipes the tears from my face with his thumb. " you'll be okay." He smiles at me.

"I'll try." I respond. "you will. I know you will." He says gently. I take his hands away from my face and realize I've stopped crying as hard. "you came in here for something, right?" I ask.

"I came in to check on you, and I'm glad I did. Promise me, next time you feel like this you will tell me, or someone, anyone who can help. Trust me its harder to stop on your own." He says. I nod, trying my best not to start crying harder again.

"I'd like to take you to breakfast of that's alright with you." Loki says, breaking the silence. "like, out for breakfast?" I ask. Loki nods. I honestly can't remember the last time I had real food for breakfast.

"sure, I should probably get changed first." I say. "yes, right, I'll be in the hall, take all the time you need." He smiles at me before leaving the room and closeing the door behind him.

I take off my sweater and put on a flock of seaguls shirt with a pair of jeans and loki's hoodie. I throw on my boots and open my door to see loki waiting in the hallway.

"that was faster than I expected, ready?" He asks. "yeah, does my hair look okay?" I ask. Loki messed with my hair, pushing most of it to the side. "there." He smiles.

"shall we?" He asks, putting his hand out. I smile and put my hand in his. He drops my hand and decides to pull me by the arm instead.

As we walk by the kitchen again I can see Mr.stark and nat eating breakfast. "I'm headed out, be back in a bit!" I say. "where to kiddo?" Mr.stark asks. "breakfast!" Loki says. "have fun!" Mr.stark shouts.

Loki and I walk out of the building and make our way to small dinner with the the word moondance on big letters across the top. We walk in and sit down at the bar.

"what can I get you two today?" A girl with red hair asks from behind the bar. Loki and I both order. And the girl hangs the tickets on a line.

"would you want to go clothes shopping today?" Loki asks. "I would but I don't have enough money too" I reply. "nonsense, I'll pay. I'm a prince, remember?" Loki says.

"are you sure?" I ask. "yes, of course. I could also use some more casual clothing myself. I noticed you didn't bring much when you brought in your things." He says.

"I didn't have much to bring if I'm honest. Most often clothes are second hand." I say. "well that settles it, we'll go shopping today!" Loki smiles.

A/n sorry about the shorter chapter that took so long, I'm sorta garbange at writting "normal" chapters like this. I'll definitely try to write the shopping trip but I can't promise it'll be good lol.