Coulda been

I'm okay,she said and died

That Saturday had taught me that at times,being oblivious was better than knowing something was finna go wrong-and there'd be nothing for you to do about it.
It hurt.
"Ms Wynters? I'm sorry to say,but these aren't just moles...you have melanoma."
The dermatologists said gently,even going as far as reaching for my hands that were frozen on the table infront of me,too confused to even move them as her soft hands enveloped my flaky ones.
"I-I know what that is... it's... It's the most dangerous type of skin cancer right?..but-but why me? I-I've been a good kid right ma?I've stayed in the house most of my life,I've stayed away from the sun...I haven't-I've never..."
I couldn't breathe,my heart shrunk in my chest and i took deep breaths to avoid having a panick attack in this small office.
There was no air in here,and how the hell was it this hot!
"It's manageable,with the right medication and chemotherapy,you'll be alright. It's not only caused by UV exposure,at times it's genetically inherited from generation to generation"
"But no one in the family has cancer!they have perfect skin.. we're-" what my mother said had not only cut my words short, it had sucked the very blood from my cheeks,
"Actually-your father..." I put up my hand,stopping her from saying anything more because I knew the tears burning at the back of my head would build up around my eyes.
                           
Hakeem had called me 10 times,and each time I'd just watched my phone ring until it stopped.
I didn't wanna hear from nobody,I didn't want anyone saying it was gonna be okay because it didn't feel like it would. I knew I was gonna die anyway,but I wanted to die-right then.
My mom had walked into my room about an hour ago,and she'd watched my stare at my hands absentmindedly picking at the skin around my nails.
"I'm sorry baby. We didn't think it would get to you kids."
"Who'd it come from?" My voice was eerily calm,the complete opposite of turmoil inside me at that moment.
"Your granma...from your daddy's side"she almost whispered,like she was afraid anything she said would send me spiralling out of control.
But I've never met my granma,I knew she was dead -but no one ever told me how she'd died.
I stared up at her questioningly,the anger I thought had subsided coming back with full force,I thought-amused- that had I been a cartoon,steam would be coming out through my ears!
"She... Chemo. it was too late and it's said that her death was agonisingly slow,so horrific that your father and his siblings weren't told what had caused her death until they were 18."
"So you weren't gonna tell me?you were not gonna tell me if I HADN'T BEEN AFFECTED?!MAMA! You never let me out in the sun when I was a kid!you could've told me then and I would've understood! I would've taken care of myself- I wouldn't have spent all those years wondering why you hated me and thought I was so dumb that the only thing you ever wanted me to do was study all the time!"
"I didn't want you getting hurt while playing out there-"
"You never played with me either! You could've been there mama,you could've been there...you should've been there,you could've prepared me for this..." I couldn't say anymore, everywhere on my body hurt like hell and I  wanted to be alone.
"Mel..."
"Just leave,okay?just please...get out" my voice cracked a bit as I grabbed her wrist and led her out the door, running into my closet and sitting in there for so long my body felt numb and the only thing replaying in my mind was I'm okay,nobody knows and I'm fine.
___________
"Mel? Melanie...hey,where are you?" A deep voice startled me out of my sleep,the little squeal I let out leading whoever it was to my closet,"are you in here?you know the best hiding spot is also the worst right?" I let out an annoyed huff as I peaked at Hakeem through the door,
"Go away!"
"I come in peace,with a hot meal from burger king" I see him raise his hands in the air,an amused smile on his face as I crack the door open just wide enough to pull the plastic bag to me.
I almost smile as I remember all those times we'd play hide and seek with his dad-while he was sober-and we'd sometimes fall asleep under Hakeem's bed waiting for his dad to find us...but then his mom moved out and some things changed.
The ache in my heart grew unbearable and I burst into tears,wondering if God made a mistake,I didn't deserve to get melanoma, Hakeem didn't deserve to have his childhood stripped from him so soon-and he definitely didn't deserve a dying best friend.
I could imagine his eyes wide with panic as he jerked the door open and scooped me into his arms,wrapping an arm around my waist and the other around my head, hiding my face in chest as he rocked me through my tears.
"I'm sorry- I'm dying" my voice cracked at the realisation that I'd never get to be held like this again,he wouldn't be able to wipe my tears from my face and tell me everything was gonna be alright.
"It's okay,just breathe."
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After my ugly crying,we sat cross legged in my closet, eating the meal he'd brought.
"This is so spicy" I complained,flicking him on the forehead when he snorts in amusement.
"It just gives you one more reason to cry" he said,assessing my face to see any change in my demeanor-there wasn't any.
"Tehehe shut up and eat"I sniffed and wiped at my puffy eyes,at the rate I was going- I'd have to wear glasses to school on Monday.
"So..." We both said at the same time,and he smiled before gesturing for me to go first.
"I-I've got melanoma...stage 5." He looked puzzled,slightly confused and sad,his expression mirrored my own feelings at that moment.
"But...but you're barely ever in the sun..."
"That's exactly what I said," I grinned,"but apparently my granma had it. She's dead now."
He nodded understandingly,then pulled me into one of those tight hugs he used to give me whenever I'd have to go to the doctor and they'd inject me with those nasty things of theirs.
"Ohh you poor doll,what are we even gonna do?"
I mumbled something incoherent,then looked up at him to find him looking thoughtfully at me,"chemo...I'm gonna get chemo,or radiation therapy or whatever the hell they can do to make me alright." He kissed the top of my forehead,then led me out of the closet into my bedroom where the clothes Devon took home with him last night were layed neatly on my loveseat, with a note and a chocolate slab on top of it.
"I wish I could stay,but I have a class to get to...and ta'Eddies is opening soon.
I love you okay?" He seemed like he really didn't wanna go,dragging his feet all the way to the door before turning and waving at me.
"Bye bye Hakeem"I heard Savannah say to him before she came stumbling into my room,stopping right next to me and hugging my left shin," I like Hakeem,he's nice." She declares and I smile,nodding in agreement with her.