Dear God,
Father I have sinned,and for the longest time I've lived in blissful oblivion-but the veil has been lifted from my eyes and there's a fire in front of me.
My whole world is falling apart,everytime the doctors think they've sent the cancer away-something happens that brings it back stronger than before,Kyrie Jackson happens. Momma quit her job to stay home and take care of me,and since Papi's car got hijacked,things have been hard.
Lord I know you know we're struggling,and that this is prolly on of ya tests-minus well take my life,Lord
I can't take the pain anymore,and the daily realisation that I'm the cause of the mayhem,I'm swaying at the centre of this tornado and even I'm getting damaged. God,this soul is tired and as much as I'd hope to live longer,I'd take death over the sight of Kyrie with another girl anytime,I can't take this anymore.
Lord Ion why you even sent Kyrie my way,or if he was even sent by you-shit feels like my angels have left me,and I have to fight my demons alone,and for fucks sake I can't.
Dear God,please give my daddy his car back-the cancer went back into remission and that car is my only chance at another surgery.
Stay with me God,grant protection over this house,over my family,and over all my real friends
Amen.
I sat outside the school building with Kyrie talking about this new car his uncle 'got'.
I hadn't been coming to school for 2 whole months, and I'd only come in today for a formal assessment- it felt good to be back.
It was kinda sad realizin our little groupa 5 had fallen apart after my fight with Shekinah-Ju Young was hanging out with these two Korean kids from our class, leaving Shekinah with Imaani and that other friend of mine whose name I'd forgotten,my only friend at that point was Berrita-a Spanish kid who'd just lost her mom about a month ago.
"Hell yeah,he just stopped the getaway car right in front of this bad boy and when the owner tried to fight him off,I slashed a knife right across his ribcage and we made a run for it! Shit was dope,ma-fa real! I almost pissed my pants,I deadass thought the guy would come after us!" Kyrie told me,using his fingers as a gun and I threw my body back, bursting out a satisfied laugh at the amusement on his face,"this why I fucks witchu!Matt-o-fact,I'm taking you on a ride tonight in da new car,I know malume(uncle) won't mind" he declares,our laughter cut short by a kid who looked 13 or sum standing between Kyrie's legs and smiling down at him,"hey Ky...oh hi" she sent a plastic smile my way and I almost grabbed her by the braids and smashed her face into the floor.
I sat there for about 2 minutes while they talked,gradually getting pissed until I hopped onto my feet and walked in the direction of the trees behind my class.
I wasn't boutta sit there patiently waiting for Kyrie to finish entertainin his hoes so he could remember I was there,I ain't stoopid!
I felt a hand grab my wrist,and I pulled it away so harshly I felt it snap. "Nah cause I came to see you and now you leaving?" Kyrie asked,looking hella offended that I'd just walk out on him like that.
"You entertainin your hoes in front of me now?that how it is?" I was so mad I felt a lone tear slide down my cheek and he fuckin stood there and laughed,laughed!
"Don't act stoopid,that kid?!she's just a kid Mel."
"Then why she standing between your legs like she been there all ha life? You just can't keep yo dick in ya pants,that's the problem!now you think shit is funny?" I shoved him away and folded my arms over my chest.
"Yeah it is,kinda. You're feeling insecure cause a kid with pigtails came to stand between my legs! You know there's only two of you Mel!just two!"
Had it been 2 months ago,I would've cried and even rolled on the floor after what he said,he was proud that he had 2 fools to play!
"And ion have time for this,you tryna fight-find someone else to fight with,I'm not tryna cop a jail cell for hitting a bitch"
"First of all,you're the bitch! I ain't even tryna fight you,like why you being so defensive?"
"I'm not-"
"You told me you'd fuckin break up with her!you promised!" I banged my fists against his chest,a deep pain nestling itself in my chest and I felt my stomach turning on itself- Kyrie lied again.
"Mack,bro. You're drawing eyes to yourself"
It's 2am and I'm wide awake,hoping Devon hops in through the window to take me somewhere- homie been stand offish all week,passing without greeting me at school and I've been staying up till 3am hoping to see him,even if it's just for a hug.
My phone rung,and the most unexpected person was calling-Kyrie.
"Hello?"
"I'm outside,let's go." He said,sounding much calmer than he was earlier that day.
"Where?"
"On the drive I promised"
"You wanna drive me around in stolen goods? no thanks bruh" I said,sounding much more irritated than was necessary -I hated that my *boyfriend* was the one callin instead of the Von,who carried little packets of happiness in his pockets-wherever,whenever.
"Come out,or I'm knocking on the front door" those words were enough to make me drop the call and descend out the window -this was the first time I was sneaking out without Devon,and everything about it felt wrong!
Where was that sudden deja vu of a childhood I'd never had? Where was the thrill?
My heart thumped almost painfully as I looked at the car in front of me- it was my Papi's ford Ranger,blacked out windows and all-they hadn't even gotten rid of the registration plates.
"Kyrie...where'd you get this ride?" I asked nervously as I hopped into the passenger seat and he immediately planted his lips on my neck,leaving soft butterfly kisses in a short trail before he inhaled softly then let me go,"hi to you too."
After driving us just outside of Kensington,we sat on the car's bonnet,cross legged as we talked about some stuff-couldnt help but wonder if the girlfriends from Queens had ever been told this story about the first time he'd held a gun,this kids childhood was actually fucked up when you thought about it for more than a second. "Nah your uncle deadass makes you steal cars."
"Yeah hhawu,angithi I spend the money with him?I should know how to make it too" he shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the whole thing.
"You never answered my question from earlier..."
"Jesus Melanie,you won't let me fuck you but you want me to answer your EEEEEVEEERY question? Right outside of Kensington!happy now?! Can I take you home?" He shouted,banging his head on the staring wheel,looking at me through his right eye like he was daring me to say sumn.
"Yeah nigga take me to my crib,and while you're at it give my daddy back his car! Thiefin ass nigga that's tryna go big." I snapped back,clapping my hands with every word.
His head snapped towards me,eyes scrutinising as I mugged him.
"Tell me you playin."
"Nigga,my daddy's momma Mexican-so you betta hope cousin Furia isn't on his way right now cause if he is,Lord have mercy! You stabbed my daddy and stole his life's hard work and now I can't get treatment cause we're low on funds and you think I'm playin? Ion play with my life. Give him his car back,please."
"Malume's gonna kill me..."
"Tell him it was your girl's dad's car-"
"He doesn't know you as my girl" he shrugged,face darkening as my own contorted into a look of sadness.
My skin started itching,a clear sign that I was stressing too much and if I stressed even more- I'd faint right here in this car with a boyfriend I didn't trust, he'd probably leave me on the side of the road
"Please, Kyrie...I know I hold no significance in your life,and you wouldn't care to save me if I was the only person left on Earth,but this involves my life. Things are falling apart at home-and selling this car would fix most of our problems...please,please Kyrie... please."
I knew I needed a prayer when I stared into this boy's eyes,and every pain I'd ever felt caused by him felt worth it-because he was beautiful,
Kyrie Jackson was the clouds before a storm-captivating yet so disastrous.
YOU ARE READING
Coulda been
Fiksi RemajaI wrote this while I was 16 and had absolutely no intentions of publishing it. BUT... Melanie Wynters is a sophomore with baggage that isn't even hers,she's on a rollercoaster and Kyrie Jackson seems to be her saving grace-until he isn't. This book...
