i wake up the with a raging headache, and i don't even want to open my eyes.
i sit for a while and reflect on my actions, because i'm sure i said and did so much stupid shit last night that i don't even know where to start.
when i have alcohol in my system, i'm completely removed from the part of me that overthinks every little thing. in the moment it's nice because it allows me to have fun without anything holding me back, but the morning after is full of several grimaces once i unpack the night.
i try to reassure myself that it's not actually that serious, and it's good that i allowed myself to let loose, but i'm cringing at every single interaction that i had last night. from the dancing in a crowded room to the faux basketball throw over malik's head.
my hands reach behind me for a pillow that i smash into my face and let out a gut wretching scream. i'm so fucking embarrassed.
so embarrassed that i want to call off work, but duty calls unfortunately.
i seriously hope no one was recording during the night, but that's almost ridiculous to expect from people in my generation.
i vaguely remember being carried by big strong arms that i associate with brandon. i don't remember ever leaving the room with nula before that so i think that may have been us leaving the party. that explains how i got home safely after being shitfaced.
i turn and pick my phone up and then a revelation hits me-- i never texted hermela. hopefully she doesn't think i'm being dismissive, but then again she probably doesn't really care that much. it's only for the dogs anyway.
disappointment courses through me at the fact that she only wanted my number to schedule a play date with our dogs. even then, i've been so neglectful and stand-offish that if she even thought that i was the least bit attractive, all my chances are gone now.
brandon's tiny voice in the back of my head tell me that it's just a a cover-up so she doesn't seem like she like's me, but someone like me needs a billboard to see, i'm not that great at subliminals and hints.
i groan out of annoyance, because i hate having crushes on people for the same reason that i hate the mornings after a drunken night. i can't seem to turn my brain off.
i check my messages to see if brandon and alyssa got home safely and sure enough they sent messages to the group chat at 3am that say they made it home.
i then form a new message with hermela's contact, but hover my thumbs over the keyboard, at a complete loss. i don't want her to think i assume she cares so much about me not responding and i can't figure out a casual way to tell her that it's me texting her.
me: hey this is jamie. sorry for the late text, it completely skipped my mind
is honesty really the best policy? if i read this text my feelings would be a little wounded at the fact that i wasn't enough to be remembered. unless that's something that i need to work on myself.
against my better judgement, i send it anyways, because otherwise i'd never say anything.
i sit my phone down and rummage for some pain reliver in my drawers and swallow them down with water from my bottle that i keep at my nightstand.
i stay put and mentally prepare myself for a long day at work, and once again i'm wishing my family were billionaires that had so much disposable income that they had the ability to give me large sum allowances every week. had this been my reality i wouldn't be getting ready for my shift in a few hours.
unfortunately, i only have my miserable mother and hypocrite father.
this thought makes me wonder what my mom had to say about me coming in at such a late hour, asleep, and in brandon's arms. surely, she wasn't happy about that, so now i'm readying myself to hear her nagging about growing up and being more responsible.
i walk into the living room and my mom is sitting on the couch scrolling on her phone while sipping piping hot coffee the way she likes it. her eyes look up to me and there's not trace of judgement on her face. maybe she got home later than usual from work.
"good afternoon." she says raising her mug in the air slightly before bringing it back to her lips, "did you have fun yesterday?"
this is a bit strange. she knows that i was out late last night and definitely not sober, but she's not digging into my ass.
"yeah i did," i say, hiding my suspicion.
"that's good. you should go out more and live your life. don't want to work your life away now do you."
i'm very confused at her gentle tone. is this supposed to be some kind of trick to make me feel comfortable before she starts lecturing me.
"i know i can be hard on you sometimes but balance is also important," she says matter-of-factly.
so it's from a genuine place.
i don't mean to make my mother sound like a stick in the mud, but that's kind of the most accurate description for what i've grown up around. she has her moments, but more often than not i can't stand to be around her.
maybe things are turning around now that i'm getting older.
"yeah you're right. i'm gonna get ready for work now." i start walking backwards, seeing her nod before looking back at her phone, then i turn and walk into my room.
as much damage as she's done, i can't even fully comprehend her being so nice and understanding without thinking there is some ulterior motive, but for the moment i'll just bask in it.
i flip my phone, and see that hermela has text me back, my heart immediately dropping out of ass.
i don't even want to read it but the anticipation is killing me. besides what could she say to my very straight to the point message.
hermela: hey jamie i was wondering what happened but it's okay i forget stuff all the time
a large smile forms on my face before i could bring myself back to reality. she was wondering about me. plus she's so nice and understanding.
i don't really know how to respond, so i go to sit my phone down and get ready for work, but my phone buzzes in my hand.
hermela: i hope this isn't weird but i definitely didn't ask for ur number just so our dogs could hang lol
oh shit.
