The one I shouldn't fall for

Oot

I love that when we are on the train he sits beside me instead of across from me, when I asked him why he sat there he explained that he didn't want me sitting next to a 'random' which is fair enough because I don't like that. He takes his phone out of his pocket before opening the snapchat app on his phone.
"Rachael?" He asks, as I turn around he urges me to take a picture with him,
I can't help but smile at him, so handsome. We take multiple serious and decent pictures of us before we are met by two girls sitting across from us on this busy train.
"Are you still taller than me with my heels on?" I ask,
"Aye" he laughs,
"Good, don't want us to look strange because I'm taller than you" I state,
"Now the only strange think we have is my scar, hate it" he replies,
"I don't understand how you let it bother you. You are the only person I know who has managed to have a facial scar and still pull it off" I state,
"No I don't" he complains,
I turn to the two girls across from us who are looking at us, amused at our latest debate.
"What's your opinion on his scar?" I ask them,
The two girls smile at each other before they both start to assess Michael when I start to feel the urge to make them stop,
"I agree with the Scottish lass, you suit it lad" the taller black headed replies,
"Thank you" I smile before turning to Michael,
"I told you" I smile before I see that he's a little red, Michael? Embarrassed? I never thought I'd see the day.
"Can you take a picture of the two of us?" He asks the girl who didn't speak,
She nods before taking his phone letting me quickly fix myself and re apply my red lipstick before she snaps us multiple times, the first one I'm laughing at Micky smiling at the camera, the next we are both pouting, one with me kissing his cheek while he beams and another with the both of us eventually smiling at the camera.
"Are you two a couple?" The one taking the photo asks while giving Jamie his phone back, I look at Micky and let him reply, it's too complicated for me.
"It's hard not to be attracted to her but no, we aren't a couple" he smiles,
I actually don't know how to really feel about this, we always agreed that if feelings ever were to get involved it would stop and I've always questioned myself if I am falling for him and I really didn't think I was.
"I thought you were a couple" the girl states with a shocked look on her face,
"We act like it sometimes I guess" I smile,
There is then an awkward silence between all four of us and finally the train stops letting us know that we have arrived in Belfast town. We walk to that I'm linked in his arm so that if I go to fall in my heels he can feel me falling and catch me. We head to a new restaurant where I order fish and chips while Micky orders steak and chips, I have a long vodka and he has a pint of tenants.
"Jamie is going to be at the club with the girl he met today" Michael States,
"Is he?" I laugh,
"Yeah, seems to be enjoying himself" he replies before showing me a picture that Jamie has sent him of him and the girl he met today, he's smiling and looks generally happy which of course makes me happy.
"You know before you came into the pool today?" He asks,
"Yeah?" I reply,
"Jamie asked me what was going on with me and you" he smirks,
"What did you say?" I quiz,
"I didn't need to say anything, he said that he knew we had been together the first time round because you were my profile picture" he laughs,
"How was I your profile picture? We were basically only fwb back then" I laugh in disbelief,
He gets out his phone from his pocket and shows me his Facebook, until a short while ago I was his profile picture on Facebook, the picture of me and him just after we had sex the morning after. We look good though and we look happy.
"I forgot all about this picture!" I state,
"It's my screensaver" he replies,
I can't help but feel an automatic flutter of butterflies deep in the pit of my stomach at the fact I'm on his screensaver. Me. Rachael Watson is on the Michael Burke's screensaver. I never thought I'd see the day.
"So then what did he say?" I quiz while the waiter puts down both of our meals,
"He said that he sees how happy I make you and if there's something there we should go for it because he hasn't seen you that happy in a good while now" Micky replies,
"Oh" I state, not knowing what to say,
"I told him though that there isn't anything here, we are a strict just friends policy" he smiles,
I don't know why but I feel so disappointed that he's said that, I know for months that we've went on about how if any of us catch feelings we need to stop immediately but I've never noticed I had them until now. Why am I such a wimp??
"Is there anything here Rachael?" He asks,
"Of course not" I reply while trying to hold back my tears and stopping the lump that has appeared in my throat from rising because I know that I'll cry and I can't have that after me making the no feelings pact in the first place. I'm so stupid. The rest of the dinner is silence and I know he thinks it's just because we are eating but I know it's more, I feel so stupid for thinking deep down that I actually could've had something more than just sex with him. I'm such a girl. We leave the restaurant and head to the club where I luckily see Jamie and his girl where I hug Jamie like nothing else, I know he knows that something's up so when questioned about it I tell him that I'm not discussing it tonight and start to make a big deal out of him and his lady of the day.
"Hi I'm Jill! You must be Rachael" she smiles, she's really pretty and tall too, a little older but I know Jamie likes that sort of thing but she seems really nice,
"Yeah that's me, it's so nice to meet you after our brief encounter today" I laugh,
"It sure is" she beams before her and I sit for a bit while the boys go get us drinks etc. got them well trained.
"So what's going on with you and him?" She asks nodding towards Michael who is chatting to a woman at the bar, should've known.
"Nothing. He's my flat mate" I smile,
"Nice" she beams,
"Do you want to dance?" I ask,
Jill nods before we dance onto the dance floor, it feels so good to be here and dancing for a moment I can forget everything that happened earlier. As I look to the table Jamie is now sitting down while Michael is still at the bar talking to the mysterious girl.
"You can go sit down with Jamie" I smile at her because she hasn't taken her eyes off him since he sat down, she kisses me on the cheek before leaving me on the dance floor where I continue to dance. I feel someone wrap their arms around me and once I turn around I realise I don't know this person but he looks really attractive. He goes in for the kiss and I go for it, what's wrong with that? Jamie's with the latest and Michael is chatting to some girl at the bar. What's stopping me? Nothing.
I feel myself get pulled away from him, well not pulled but pushed, by Michael.
"What are you doing?" I try to ask over the music,
"The real question is. What is he doing?" He quizzes pointing at the guy I've been kissing for the past 20 seconds.
"I was just kissing her mate, calm down" the guy replies while raising his two hands in surrender,
I can't deal with this. I grab my bag from Jamie and walk out of the club. I need to go home. This is such a head fuck. I hear him coming out behind me but I don't care, my taxi is on its way and I need this cigarette. The first one I've had while being on this stupid detox. It's bliss.
"Why are you smoking? You were doing so well" he states in such a soothing tone,
"Because I want to" I snap,
"What's up?" He asks,
"Seriously? What's up?" I ask while turning around to face him,
"Aye, what've I done?" He quizzes,
"Oh I don't know... We had this whole agreement that we were only fucking and if feelings got involved it would end there and we would no longer do it. I didn't realise until the train journey today that I think I actually have some sort of feelings towards you and I'm still unsure how strong or what they are. You then shoot me down on the train which I completely understood but deep down I was breaking inside. We were so romantic at dinner but then you didn't even realise that I had went all quiet because I'm embarrassed that I've done what we arranged not to do and that I'm stupid enough to fall for another guy who doesn't like me back. I'm used to it now and I need to go home." I rant,
"Rachael. You've got it all wrong." He replies,
"Well then I get to the club and you're chatting up some girl at the bar so I decide that I should get to do that too instead of feeling like shite for liking someone that doesn't like me back and then you basically rag doll the poor guy away from me" I explain,
"1. I've been hiding my feelings from you since the first time we fell out. I got scared and pushed you away, it's what I do.
2. I said what I thought what you wanted to hear on the train, I didn't know you felt that way because you never told me and how am I meant to know something if you haven't told me.
3. I did notice you went quiet at dinner but I thought it was because I brought up the fact that Jamie knew and that you were my screensaver, I thought you thought I was being weird for having you there.
4. You're not falling for another guy who doesn't like you because I do Rachael. I really do" he smiles.