Spring day

Chapter eight

My last week in school was far from what I imagined as a kid. It was depressing and miserable. Since the last time I talked to Jae-Hyun was at the swings on the hill, we didn't speak another word to each other. Everyone thought it was strange for us to be so distant, but neither of us told anyone what happened last night.

The long and devastating week ended, I had dropped out of school. And I appeared on the survival show like originally planned. The others went on the graduation trip on the Sewol Ferry. Everything went so smoothly, but I was still depressed. And I bet he was too.

During the shooting for the survival show, I was doing fairly well with the rankings but that doesn't cover the empty hole in my heart. Only Jae-Hyun can.

{April 16, 2014}

"Jieun! There's an emergency phone call from your parents, come here." one of the staff on the show called me over.

"Hello?" I spoke to the phone.

"Jieun...?"

"Yeah, what's going on? Why did you guys call?" I was starting to worry. All the participants of the show had their phones taken for the filming of the show so none of us had real contact with the outside world. The only reason my parents could be calling me is because there's a real, serious emergency. And my heart begins to pound at the thought of what they could be calling for.

"Jieun... the Sewol Ferry sank." my mom paused.

"Jae-Hyun passed away." My heart skipped a beat. My head was spinning, and everything was fading out and I started having trouble breathing.

"Jieun? Jieun! JIEUN!" The staff started shouting my name over and over, but I could barely hear them. My heart aches and my head pounds. Then I fell to the ground.

________________________

I woke up at an unfamiliar ceiling. I sat up, and found myself in a hospital room. Right then, the doctor and nurse walked in to check on me.

"Ah, great, you've woken up" the doctor talked to me and did some quick check up.

"Do you remember why you ended up here?" he asked.

"...no?"

"Well, you fainted from shock two days ago." Even after the doctor's explanation, I still don't remember anything. Right then, there was another knock on the door. Then Hyun-Jung and Hae-Won walked in as the doctor and the nurse left.

"JIEUN!" both Hae-Won and Hyun-Jung shouts.

"Guys..." I said with a soft smile, "Is Jae-Hyun here too?"

Both of them had a drastic change in expressions. Oh right. I remember now. Memories began drifting up in my brain.

That's right. I'm here because I passed out after hearing that Jae-Hyun passed away when the Sewol Ferry sank.

Hae-Won began tearing up while Hyun-Jung tries to comfort her.

"Jae-hyun died a hero," Hyun-Jung said. "Before he drowned, he helped us get out of the ferry and that's how we survived." My face was blank. I wanted to die. I should've died with Jae-Hyun.

"Here," Hyun-Jung handed me a phone and a letter, "Jae-hyun gave me this before he passed." I looked at the phone, and I recognized it. It was Jae-Hyun's phone.

"Thank you..." I said.

"I think you should have some time alone, we'll leave now." Then Hyun-Jung and Hae-Won left together.

I walked up to the rooftop of the hospital. It's pretty high, about fifteen floors above ground. There was a rooftop garden and there was no one there. I walked over to the rooftop fence. They had a great view, it was similar to the view at the swings on the hill.

"Ah. I want to die." I thought. "I can just jump down and I'll be with Jae-Hyun then." I looked below, there was another garden down, and there was a cherry blossom tree too.

"Jae-Hyun would've loved this view too" I said to myself.

I remembered the letter Hyun-Jung gave me earlier and took it out of my pocket and started reading it.

Hey, Jieun.

If you're reading this, it must mean that I have died now. I always thought I would die with no regrets but I was wrong. I still have so many regrets. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forced you to choose, we could've talked it out and came up with a solution. Then maybe things wouldn't have ended up the way it did. Remember when I told you I would marry you one day? I guess now I can only watch you marry another man from above. I hope you will finally achieve your dream and debut as an idol like you always dreamed of. I will always support you and be with you. If not on earth, then in your heart. You mean the whole entire world to me. So please move on, I don't want to see you grieve over my death for years, even after my death. Please move and find another man that will love you the way I did. Even though no one will ever love you more than I did. So many things happened between us, and they will now be memories. See you in your dreams, I love you one bajillion.

-your first love, Jae-Hyun

I'm not sure when, but tears started dripping down my face like a waterfall. I've never cried so hard in my life. The letter was wet, filled with tears dripped down from my face. Then as I was putting the letter back inside the envelope, I saw a sparkly thing inside. I took it out and it was our promise ring.

Ever since the day he gave me the ring, I've never taken it off, and even now I still have it on me. I start sobbing even harder. I took a memory lane down our past. Since we were kids, our first kiss, when he gave me the ring, so much had happened up till now.

Then I took out his phone, the phone he left to me. I wasn't sure why but I had a feeling he left something for me in his gallery. So I scrolled through his old pictures and there were so many pictures of me, of us. So many memories from the past. I got to the last video he took on his phone. It was taken on the Sewol Ferry. I played the video.

"Jieun, I'm so sorry... I'm not gonna survive this, so find a man that will take care of you for me. And please achieve your dream, don't quit because of me. I will always watch over you, and one day, let's meet at the swings on the hill like we used to. I love you, I love you, I love you."

This video of his last words to me certainly did not help at all. It only made me cry and scream even harder. I don't care if anyone sees or hears me. I have to let out all these emotions I've been holding in for so long.

I sat there crying for maybe an hour or so, I didn't keep track of time.