His Hands

fight or flight

Satoru

I stand up as the door shuts loudly behind Geto, a hand outstretched as if to stop him.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

His words echo in my head like a single marble bouncing around.

I'm talking with Haru again anyways.

Was he implying he's back with his ex? That must be it. Which is why he's glad the kiss didn't mean anything, when it kind of did...for me anyways.

The idea of him being back with his ex-boyfriend made my stomach drop.

A part of me was furious that he didn't tell me before.

But the other part of me was just mad at myself for not telling him how I actually feel. As soon as his lips touched mine, it was like my body finally got what it wanted for a lifetime. It was as if it was the one and only thing I needed.

Why didn't I tell him that?

I'm talking with Haru again anyways.

I can't believe this. How did I end up in this situation?

I did this to myself.

My head fell into my hands as I stared at the floor of our dorm.

I do my best to stay up and wait for Suguru to come back from the bathroom. But he never does, part of me wonders if he ever will.

I fell asleep without realizing it, and slowly opened my eyes to a room well lit from the window next to our beds.

I'm facing the wall. A part of me doesn't want to turn around; maybe if I don't I can just pretend last night never happened.

What a difference 24 hours can make. From intimacy to strangers again.

Unfortunately, I can't avoid it forever.

----

I wander into the library at the end of my classes, hoping to find a quiet place to study. Geto and I have been civil these past few days, but the tension lingers and it makes doing work in the dorm even harder.

As I walk towards my usual window spot, I stop in my tracks.

To my right there is a familiar head of straight, black hair leaning over a table, propped up by broad shoulders that are covered by a dark, long sleeved shirt. I see them lean back in their chair and reach up to put their hair in a bun with a smile on their face.

I know that smile.

I trace Suguru's gaze and find a smaller man sitting across from him. He has large, square glasses on and brown hair that seems like it would get into his eyes. In that moment he's laughing lightly, as if an inside joke had been exchanged between the two of them. 

My stomach lurches. I don't know who that is. But at the same time, I do.

I'm talking with Haru again anyways.

My sudden halt seems to have gotten the shorter guy's attention, and he flicks his gaze in my direction. We make eye contact.

Fuck me, I guess.

I step the extra few feet towards their table and smile at Geto as he turns to see who Haru is looking at.

"Hey, Geto! You're studying here, too?" I ask him as our eyes brush past one another.

His face gives me a look that tells me he's in here for the same reason I am; to avoid each other.

"Oh, hey," he says, glancing between me and Haru.