𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐑 | 𝖫𝖧𝖲

𝐨𝐧𝐞: memories

as far as i can remember, jieun was a rather shy and introverted type.

ever since elementary school, she'd hide behind my back when she felt uncomfortable or scared, even though i wasn't the strong type either.

i would describe myself as reserved; i only watched the children and analysed their moves. i didn't do fist fights, i was intellectually strong and didn't need that physical part.

doesn't mean i'm weak. i could easily punch back and the other children knew that. perhaps this was why no one dared to interact with me.

jieun was the only one who stood by my side whenever the situation seemed to become tricky. i admired her for staying so strong even though she wasn't treated nicely over the years. even in middle school, she was dragged through the dirt, but she never lost her precious smile.

"it's for the best when the others don't know we're friends.", she even told me one day. i refused to admit that. but either way, we never missed the opportunity to get home, eat and spend time together. jieun was the best friend one could ask for and i was very thankful for having her in my life. after all, i admired her a lot.

but not even after a year of middle school, our friendship cracked a little. the more time we spent together, the more she fell for me. and one day; on a random wednesday in the evening, she asked me to meet up on the street and simply confessed.

"i am very sorry to break it to you like that, but i really like you, heeseung. i can't tell you when it started to happen, but i thought you'd like me too!"

there was that shy smile again. i didn't want to break her heart, but i couldn't lie to her and keep those high hopes up.

"jieun... i have no idea how to tell you this.", i sighed. this was the very first time i couldn't even look into her eyes because i didn't have the courage. "thank you for telling me how much you admire me, but right now i simply can't return your feelings. any way, i hope we can still remain as friends."

i patted her shoulder lightly. "see you at school tomorrow?"

the awkward silence occurred, as much as i wanted to avoid it. jieun slowly nodded and removed my hand from her shoulder. "yeah, see you then."

"it's supposed to rain in the morning. do you think you want to go by car? our driver can take us to school! like always, haha."

"ah, no. it's fine, i think kyungjun wanted to go outside as well. i'll just go with him.", she replied with her raspy voice before simply waving and leaving me alone.

i wasn't thinking much at that moment, it was her first rejection and i believed i handled her very well. after all, i didn't want to hurt her that much, but the pain couldn't be avoided either way.

still, i had a weird feeling about it. our friendship started to get awkward after that night.

you may ask yourselves why. well, i still wanted to greet her in the mornings, i still wanted to spend time with her like usual and i even waited in front of her house sometimes.

but she never came.

she didn't attend school, her house felt like there wasn't anyone in there and i also couldn't contact her.

the teachers said she was probably sick at home, a fever or something. but when i rang the bell, no one opened up for me. it was suspicious, the weird feeling simply didn't leave my chest.

and since it was middle school and i didn't have any friends except for jieun, it was hard for me to even go there. i missed her, i missed the friendship we had before she confessed.

maybe i was a jerk for thinking like that. however, it didn't change the fact that someone was missing in my life.

and three weeks later, i was finally updated.

"unfortunately, jieun has moved overseas. her parents confirmed that she's now attending a new school in australia, the teachers are very sorry for delivering you false information.", our class president explained as he stood at the podium. without any further word, he quickly sat down again.

my gaze was glued on my own desk. the weird feeling that has been stuck in my chest finally loosened up. nevertheless, i started to feel a bit of hatred towards jieun. she didn't tell me anything about moving, was she confessing because she knew she wouldn't be in korea after that?

on the other side, i worried about her. was she even doing well there? has she found friends already? did she seriously leave me alone?

maybe it was the fact that there wouldn't be anyone by my side anymore when i get in trouble. because i felt like vomiting. i pitied myself for saying everything was fine. nothing was fine, my life changed abruptly and i didn't like it. i hated changes, even jieun knew that.

however, i somehow managed to survive middle school on my own. and the more days passed, the more i missed her. i wanted to find jieun and have her in my arms again.

then, it hit me in the last year: i liked jieun.

and i was definitely too late. to me, it was a problem. i was chasing someone who decided to leave my life like nothing. loving someone else wasn't even possible, i wanted her.

months have passed, i graduated middle school. currently, we were all on the summer break and i didn't have to worry about anything because i was accepted by the high school near my house. plan a was to fly to australia and continue looking for jieun, but the tickets were too expensive for me and only god knew where exactly she was.

so, i gave it up and started looking for friends around the neighbourhood. in fact, there were more teenagers here than i expected and before i even knew it, it was the six of us becoming a friend group.

jay and sunghoon lived right next to each other, cousin things i suppose. jungwon was the smart, humble young man from next door. he was really close with sunoo, the literal sunshine in the neighbourhood. coincidently, the sun really didn't shine when he had a bad day.

and then we have the youngest, riki. he came straight from japan and got accepted to our school due to the high marks he achieved in his home country. he was really happy when he got the news he didn't need to pay any fees.

i was glad i found new friends i'll even get to attend school with. we got along very well, i felt comfortable around every single one of them. we already made multiple plans for our summer holidays, i was busy having fun for the very first time.

due to that, i started to develop the opinion that jieun held me back. but actually, it wasn't quite her fault. we were best friends and she never prohibited me from making new friends. it was me who never came out of the cocoon.

nevertheless, i was happy where i was now. jieun still had a special place in my heart and so did the others.

memories were made and they're dear to me.